For His Glory Alone

I am feeling a little better today, so Deanna has decided to let me do a post on the blog. There are so many things to say, but perhaps I should open with a prayer. The needle is in the left hand today, so typing is a little easier!

Abba Yahweh, we know that you created all things on the earth, over it, and underneath it, and we know that you still ultimately control everything even though we live in a fallen world. We confess that we are sinners and that we still fail you daily, despite your great love for us. We thank you for everything that you provide us, most especially for your son Jeshua. We ask that you would be gracious and bless us in every way and help us to walk closer to you.

Tomorrow is the 1 week anniversary of being told that there was no hope for us, no life, and that all that remained was essentially to organize my death. They asked if we wanted to fight, to which we answered yes, but that only meant delaying death by a few months miserable with sickness and chemo therapy. My faith in Christ made me content with this, because I knew that eventually he would raise me from the dead in a perfect body, along with my family. What I was not okay with, was leaving behind a young widow and orphan girl. This is a character flaw in me--I should also have enough faith to be able to commit my wife and daughter to Christ's care, no matter when this body dies. I spent the afternoon struggling with that--I imagine Abraham must have felt similar emotions about Isaak.

The emotions are like being kidnapped, hooded, and chained into roller coaster that seemed to never end, slammed from extreme to the other. But the Lord is good. He is our fortress in this storm where we find calm and peace.

Late in the afternoon I made my peace with it. I was ready to go if that was the Lord's will. So I would like to tell you that I made some inspired fight, but it's simply not true. I was done, ruminating about the chemo/radiation option when the miracle phone calls began to come in. The Lord is a warrior, and the battle belongs to Him. He had me to completely rest in Him. He has carried me like a sick child ever since. All the glory must go to him. I've done nothing but rest and be carried along by it. And then He, for His own glory, began to fight on my behalf. That is what this storm is all about...God working miracle after miracle to bring us to where we are today, a week later. From a death sentence, to a fighting chance.

From Melissa telling us her story, from Bill calling us later that evening and explaining cancer and integrative medicine, from the Holy Spirit telling both of us the next day after a sleepless night of prayer to Go, from the kindness of so many people at work, at Eglin, at the church, at the school, in the neighborhood--from Pastor Herman's skill at healing prayers...a thousand consecutive miracles happened. To bring us here, to this fight, so we can watch Jesus WIN. There were other miracles too, even further back. The Timothy leadership classes at CCC in Tucson changed my thinking so much that I could understand what's happening--you men have no idea how much I lean on God's teaching that you helped reveal to me in those classes. And the men at FBC Abilene before them. Deanna's family, friends from around the world. There are so many, I'll never be able to keep track. And certainly there is Uncle Bill, who no matter what the outcome will always have a place here for sharing hope where there was none. Each one of you and the things you did to help are miracles to us from God.

I am a small, selfish, prideful, ugly man in character. And yet to glorify Jesus he has chosen to send us through this storm. Maybe so that everyone will know His power. I will let you in on a secret. In a dream, God showed me a man I know, rising up from baptismal waters, smiling because he knows freedom and joy in Jesus. I don't know when or how this will happen, but I know now that it will happen. If this storm is God's will to happen in order to bring more people to a saving faith, then I say bring it on, no matter what the outcome. A small bargain to pay, a privilege that Jesus would use us in this way.

Deanna and Elizabeth are going to keep you informed about the integrated medicine treatment plan. A friend told Deanna that this is just helping the body to catch up to the healing that Jesus already did the first time Pastor Herman prayed for me. Deanna is the fierce and brave one. She herds a thousand cats a day to make sure we stay on track. My other rock in the storm. And Elizabeth is my shining star, a single look at her is all it takes to Giddy-Up for the next round of whatever.

Need to go now, will try to post some more later. Thank you all for everything and please continue to pray to Jesus for a decisive WIN!

Love in Christ,
-Mike