Sunday, May 31, 2009

Quick Update

Mike had Chemo on Friday. Overall, he is doing well. Some throwing up - but not too bad. He is very tired today though. His platelets have started to drop today - down to 109. I am asking for prayer coverage with his blood for all those praying for us.

Mike is going in for another esophageal stretch tomorrow morning. He is scheduled at 9:30 am CST. He had two things get caught on Thursday and we decided to jump on this before it got worse. The funny thing is that he had a cup of chicken gumbo with 5 hush puppies Friday night and that went down. Meat and all. He hasn't eaten much since yesterday though (Chemo). I always have such anxiety over all these procedures. You would think it would become routine by now. It is not.

I want to thank every that posts on the blog - we read them all and we are looking into the options for the house. We are not sure if we qualify or not. Maybe under the wounded warriors. What I do hope is that everyone is learning from our road. We have planned for retirement, death, college education, etc. But never for Disability. I always viewed disability as losing an arm, etc. It never occurred to me that cancer, or any other more common disease could be considered in the disability range. If only we had taken disability insurance on the house... Honestly, I know I say this every time, but Mike is still here and able to be an incredible loving husband and father. That is all that matters.

May God Bless your day, your family, and shine through you!


(I will post tomorrow night after procedure. Please pray that the results are as miraculous as the last time!)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

More Opportunities for God to work through Prayer

We went to the doctor today and Mike continues to do well. His platelets are up enough to do Chemo tomorrow. They are still not in the normal range, and that makes me a little nervous. However, I take it as an opportunity to watch God work through prayer!

Mike is still eating well, but we have had two instances today of food getting stuck. So I am going to call the doctor to see if we can go in and have it stretched again on Monday. Of course, that is providing his numbers hold after Chemo. Yet another opportunity for God to work through prayer!

We got another offer on the house today. It was considerably lower than the asking price. It occurred to us tonight that the loss we might have to take on the house is larger than the payments we have made on it up until now. We are going to call the bank and see if we qualify for any of those special incentives that passed this spring. There is one option of just handing over the deed to the house. I need to find out what that means based on credit scores and such, but it may very well be an option. It would basically mean us taking at loss of about $30,000 as opposed to selling it at around $50,000. We will see what happens. Yet another opportunity for God to work through prayer!

School is finishing up next week for Elizabeth. She is busy with the end of softball season and the beginning of swim team. One more week of craziness and then summer!!! Speaking of next week, we opted for chemo tomorrow because next week is all the end of school activities/celebrations. We are hoping that Mike will bounce back quickly and be able to attend everything next week. Yet another opportunity for God to work through prayer!

Prayer needs:
Wisdom over our house in FL... Divine insight and wisdom
Chemo - it will kill only the cancer cells and leave the healthy cells intact
Platelets - that they will hold strong
Protection from infection/disease for everyone in the family
Esophagus - that God will hold it open and that we can get the stretch on Monday
Mike's food intake and blood work will be strong enough to get off of TPN
Divine timing and care for us to go to the beach in July as we have done for 6 years now. So much needs to happen medically for us to take this break. We really want to go as a family with our family.

A roof over our heads...My brother Scott for letting us stay in his house for so long without rent.
Medical needs
Godly men and women in our paths
Dr. Bo and his adjustments
End of School year!!!
Our dear friends

Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day Picture

We have had a great weekend. Mike continues to eat and continues to get stronger. Today, we went to a Memorial Day Celebration in McKinney and Mike walked about 1/2 mile and carried two folding chairs. But I thought the best thing I could do would be to post a picture of Mike. Hopefully you can see the changes for the better.
Thank you to everyone who has served and is serving this great country of ours. You are our brothers and sisters and even though we are no longer serving beside you, we pray for you and are grateful for everything you do!
God Bless America!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

He is Scrounging for food people!

Miraculous things continue to unfold in front of me. I was watching TV with Mike and he got up and went to the pantry. I ask him what he was doing and he said, "Looking for something to eat." Wow. Praise God!

I came home yesterday and Mike and eat a pear (skin and all) like an apple. Incredible. Praise God!

Elizabeth and I were out late running activities and Mike put our dinner in the oven and had it ready for us. He pulled in trash cans. He folded laundry. Huh?? Praise God!

I know. There are such simple things, but really huge steps. He was unable to do any of that just a few months ago. He is eating more and more everyday. Turkey meat loaf. Broccoli Rabi. Pears. Ginger Snaps. Homemade bread from Angie. For everyone who has followed this blog for so long, I know you will recognize the miracle.

I did make Mike a breakfast taco yesterday. It didn't work. We are starting to think that eggs don't do well for him anymore. He got sick on a over easy egg - sick on the breakfast burrito on Sunday - sick on the breakfast taco yesterday.

Mike's platelets are up to 92 as of this morning. They are coming up, but not up enough. So we have a break for the entire weekend!! No doctors appointments until Tuesday. Chemo, maybe next week.

We have so much to be thankful for today. We are still trying to get the VA and DFAS talking to each other. DFAS says they must receive communication from the VA about concurrent receipt and the VA says they already sent it. So we faxed over to DFAS the VA documents we received with a letter, saved the confirmation, and filed it. We have done as much as we can do with that. So we will see what happens.

We lowered the price another $5,000 on the house. I keep going back and forth about switching Realtors. I like my current one, but maybe a switch would be the best thing to get it sold. Everyone loves the house who sees it, but no one is buying and we just can't afford a huge loss and we are very close to the amount of a loss we can handle.

We had some issues with the pool as well and it may not be done yet. We will see if the new company can remove the stains on the liner. I just pray they can!

All these are minor and unimportant in the big picture. My family is still here and God is still in control. Heaven awaits and that is the BIG picture.

Prayer Needs:
Mike to eat enough to get rid of the TPN (this is his liquid food he gets every day over 14 hours via IV)
Mike's blood levels to keep improving
Mike to start gaining muscle mass
Our house in FL to sell
The stains to come out of the pool liner
Financial prudence

This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it!
Family and friends
See above!

Monday, May 18, 2009

More cake, please

Dear friends,

How richly God has blessed us the past few days!

On Friday we went in and the platelets were up ten points to 70 after hovering around the high fifties to low sixties for weeks. We were given the weekend off, and this morning the platelets gained another ten points over the weekend up to 80. Maybe I won't have to get my hip drilled into after all. The white count was a bit low, so I got a booster shot for that.

The eating department has been good as well. I've had a carton of potato salad, a serving of collard greens, a pancake, some chicken-and-dumplings, ginger snaps, ravioli, and a large carrot cup cake. I've had more food in the last few days than the last several months put together.

The esophagus stretch seems to be holding well, with the exception of a chorizo-and-egg breakfast burrito that soundly defeated me yesterday morning on the way to church. It took several hours to recover from that one, but by lunch time I was munching baked potato chips.

Note to self. My much beloved chorizo is off the table, at least for a while.

Saturday our friend, chiropractor, and faith healer Bo called and said he felt led that we should go to the Higher Trails cowboy church near Merit, TX. He had heard that many healings were occurring there. They have a large hangar like building for their church, with a great band that played Appalachian and country style worship music. It reminded me of weekends at my grandmother's and uncle's houses when I was little. Celebrations filled with country and Appalachian music. Everybody would join in and sing or play something: jaw harp, banjo, guitar, ukulele.

The cowboy churches are a branch of the baptist churches, reaching out to the country and western culture to bring them the gospel in their own style.

After the main part was over, Bo said we should go up to the alter, which we did. Bo prayed over me, and then the pastor, wheelchair bound himself, rolled over and asked if he could have some people pray over me. Of course, I gladly accepted. The next thing I knew, I was surrounded by friendly faces with many hands on me as the pastor led the healing prayer. Deanna and Elizabeth kept their seats. Later, she told me it was one of the most touching things she had ever seen in church. From my kneeling, forward facing position, I could not see just how big the crowd was, but Deanna could. She says that the ENTIRE congregation got up, came forward, and laid hands on for the prayer. The people who were too far back to lay hands on me just laid their hands on whomever happened to be in front of them.

Those folks at Higher Trails out near Merit--they sure know how to do it right.

Well, my friend and nurse Randy has just cleaned my PICC (IV) site and changed the dressing. He said it looked great, no signs of infection. He had a good weekend at Lake Brownwood at a man-to-man event.

God has richly blessed us by putting so many gifted Christians into our path to help us.

I have felt lately that we are closer to the time when I need to start serving more. For the time being, I've deliberately spent more time in prayer for the needs of the people in my life. I'm also considering writing a book about this incredible journey that He has brought us through.

Well, Deanna went grocery shopping and asked what I wanted before she left.

I told her to get some fresh, organic greens and,

More cake, please:)

With much love,

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Doctor Today - Prayer Request

We went to the Doctor today and had a fun time showing everyone the pictures. The Chemo nurses where just so excited to see them. It made their day and gave them encouragement.

So as this roller coaster goes, we have another prayer need that has surfaced today. Mike's platelets have been very low (around 60) for about 7 -10 days now. They were in the normal range when we had the last Chemo (18 days ago) and fell very quickly after that. They have stayed around 60, but the problem is they are not going back up and that could be a sign of something else and of course one of the options is cancer. They did some blood work today to test for Heparin antibodies and pulled a lot of blood. If Mike's platelets don't go up by next Thursday, they will want to do a test on Mike's bone marrow. I am not sure what this test is, but I have heard around the clinic that it is painful and has to do with getting marrow out of the hip.

So, as we have done in the past - we are calling on all pray warriors to lift this straight to the Throne of Grace. To speak out and ask for God to speak to Mike's marrow to produce the platelets. Please ask for protection for Mike while the marrow is rebuilding the platelets. Platelets cause the blood to clot and that is very important. Even a small cut could be dangerous.

We are trusting the Lord with everything!

(By the way, Mike and I had a date afternoon and saw Star Trek together. We loved it and I loved holding his hand and just being us for 2 hours.)

Prayer needs:
Mike platelets to increase
Injury protection for Mike
Our house in FL to sell
Financial prudence

The Congressman worked (thanks again Carole). We got our VA - now we just need the AF retired pay to catch up. We are getting our full retirement, but are not entitled to it. The VA money needs to come out of that.
Someone is looking at our house
Star Trek - good movie (for adults)
Prayer warriors all over the world
Daily Devotionals
Cards in the mail

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Thomas moment or A picture is worth a thousand words

OK. It is my turn. Wow. Wow. Wow. As you all know, Mike had the stretch done on Monday and God gave us an unexpected gift. The GI doctor came to talk to us after the procedure. He always takes pictures of what he does. I take my bible with me when we do these things, and I left the last set of pictures in my bible. I think, because subconsciously, this is too big for me by myself and in the end that is where I need to leave it, in God's hands. It was kind of a physical action to help my spiritual heart. When the GI doc told us that the cancer he saw before was gone, I was a little in shock. I then pulled the pictures out of my bible and could compare. I showed the wonderful nurses in day surgery (who were excited and mighty prayer warriors). I immediately thought of Thomas.. (John 20: 24 -29)

24But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.
25The other disciples therefore said unto him, We have seen the LORD. But he said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.
26And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you.
27Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.
28And Thomas answered and said unto him, My LORD and my God.
29Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed. near and dear to me. With everything that has been happening, I am so afraid to let my guard down. The remarkable events are hard to deny, but I have this warning voice in the back of my head telling me not to let go all the way. I think it is because I still remember the words from back in September - "There is a large mass" and the shock of the rug being pulled out from under us so quickly. But I can learn from this. Thomas teaches me that even though the doubt is sometimes there, Jesus understands. Everyday in this journey I am walking closer towards Jesus and further from that worldly unbelief. Some days it may be only 1/2 of a step closer, but closer none the less.

So here are the pictures that I believe He gave me - This is the before picture taken in April when they removed the stent:

Here is the picture from Monday of the same area:

It is just remarkable. Six weeks. Praise be to God for His remarkable hand AND for allowing us to see it.

In all you do, wherever you are, in every circumstance, His Word tells us BE NOT FAITHLESS, BUT BELIEVING!!!!

Monday, May 11, 2009

A Good Stretch Today


Last night and early this morning it rained a bit. It's my favorite sort of weather. I feel like I can sense Yahweh in rainy weather more than any other, and He has been kind enough to give us rain the last few days.

After the rain this morning, it was time to go in and get the esophagus stretched. They put you to sleep with IV sedatives, put a tube (endoscope) down your throat, and blow up balloons attached to the endoscope to stretch (widen) the esophagus.

This one hurt a bit more than usual. Doc said I shouldn't wait as long next time, but rather get on the schedule at the first sign of narrowing. Roger that Doc!

The staff there are so nice to me. Most of them seem to know me by name, and I was able to share with them the good news about the PET scan.

And there was more good news! Doc said he took a look around the stomach as long as he was down there and--the thing he thought was a tumor growing into the stomach last time was no longer visible. Praise Yahweh, Jehovah-Rophe, and Yeshua--visual Mark-One eyeball confirmation that things have gotten way better! It's one thing to have a PET scan. It's another entirely for an MD to see it and talk about it.

We had a brief discussion about the surgery option. He still thinks it unlikely that any surgeon will touch me, stating that there are probably "micro-metastases". He may be right. The fine print on one of the earlier PET scans said tumors less than 5mm in size have a smaller probability of detection.

In his opinion, if the surgery is going to happen, the Cleveland Clinic is the best place in the nation to have it done. This doesn't surprise me. I grew up near Cleveland, and celebrities, dignitaries, and even kings from all over the world would fly in there for treatment of tough diseases. Several of my family have gotten treatments there, which always seemed to go well.

Right after, we had to go over to the clinic, which is thankfully right across the street from the hospital, and get the blood checked. It had improved a bit. No shot today!

There is so much to praise. I'm so humbled by what God has done for me, and by the great love shown by you all. Somewhere in God's book, I think it says something like "And this is how you will know them-by their great love for one another."

Well, it is 10pm here and it still hurts, so I might just take a small dose of morphine and go to bed.

God Bless,

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Operational level of war targeting

Dear Ones,

As Deanna wrote, we had a tough couple of days. Two days ago around lunch time I got hungry. This is quite remarkable, a miracle in and of itself, because I haven't been really hungry since I got sick. Thirsty yes, but not hungry. But in the past couple of weeks, there have been several times when I was..., well, very hungry. I've had cravings for the stromboli sandwich and gelato at Vero's in Tucson, Italian food in general, and most recently for breakfast foods of all types. If I could, a few times I would have gone to IHOP and ordered one of everything on the menu.

Anyway, two days ago I got hungry and decided to fry an egg. I took one brown, organic egg, fried it over easy (but not runny) in a little EVOO, and seasoned it with some sea salt and pepper. It smelled wonderful. I decided to be very careful, so I cut about one square centimeter of the egg white from the edge and ate it, slowly and thoroughly chewing it up before swallowing.

Unfortunately, despite my precautions, it got stuck about half way down. The barium swallow we did had revealed the upper half of the esophagus to be in pretty good shape. The lower half, however, was so much thinner, and twisted. It looked like a twisted wire attached to the end of a pipe. So it's no surprise that the egg only went half way down. So the egg came back up along with a ton of phlegm. The worst part was the phlegm kept coming...for about the next 36 hours. I don't quite understand how this too is part of God's plan, but I know it is, and I thank him for it. I think it may have something to do with cleansing the mess left by the cancer. There was not much sleep that whole time.

However, last night at bed time, it just stopped. I was able to start hydrating. I slept like a rock, and in the morning I did not want to wake up and get out of bed. However, we had our oncologist appointment to go to. It was great sleep, but just not enough, so I took an extra morning nap today after the appointment. The white cell count was a bit low, so I got a booster shot. But the red cells were steady, and the platelets had actually come up slightly. Thank you Lord. Doc felt around my stomach and liver area and let loose with a rare little grin (he is usually all business, a bit on the stoic side). He said something like "I still can't feel a thing, not the tumor, the lesions, nothing." A little while ago, I even kept down some beef broth. Thank God, He has helped us weather another storm.

Today we had a wonderful visit from a faith healing couple. They shared how they had come through experiences similar to our own. They anointed me with oil, laid hands on me and prayed for me--wonderful stuff. Then they did something extra that I had not seen or thought of before. He said something like "And because we know that you are one flesh in Christ, we will anoint Deanna too." He proceeded to cross the oil on her forehead as he had done to me and prayed for her as well. For me it was joyous to see her receiving this love. And it was a Duh, Why Didn't I Think Of That? moment as well. I pray for her at least daily, and a few times, I've even laid hands on her while praying. But it never occurred to me to anoint her as well. It was terrific!

We are one flesh in Christ. If I am sick, she is sick as well, and is deserving of anointing, the laying on of hands, and prayer. My father died from a long battle with diabetes, so I have seen before how hard an illness of this magnitude is on the caregiver. It was just as hard on my mom as my dad. More so in many ways. It is the same with Deanna and me. As rotten as that 36 hours was on me, I think it was worse on her. I would appreciate it if everyone would say just a little extra prayer specifically for Deanna-for peace, joy, wisdom, strength. She is a bonafide hero, but this thing has really put her through the wringer.

So Monday morning I am going to have the GE Doc stretch my esophagus. He doesn't want to do it, wants instead to install that permanent metal stent. I have decided to just get a stretch and see how long that lasts. I would rather have to get stretched once a month or so than have the stent. It's permanent, which could back us into a surgical corner later on. It means sitting up semi-reclined and not able to lie down to sleep, and it will likely hurt even more than the temporary stents did. Which means back on the morphine...forever.

I want to buy some time by just getting the stretch. We are supposed to wait on the Lord, so it is an act of faith on my part to wait for God to do some more healing. Who knows?--With the cancer no longer active and ravaging the esophagus, it may, God willing, heal up enough to function again. God said in His book that he wants us to have life overflowing...overflowing! Not just a little bit, or a half life, or even a 100% life. He wants us to have even more than 100% of life...overflowing! So I do not feel too guilty to be selfish and ask him for even more healing than he has already so graciously given to me. I want more...I want the overflowing!

That stromboli at Vero's sure sounds good. You guys that are still in Tucson are lucky.

If we get that permanent metal stent, then the only way to further fix the problem is to do the big surgery. It's been our goal for so long now to get to the point where we could get the surgery. I'm not so sure now. I did some more studying about the procedure--they have to open you up like a dissected frog--both belly and chest. Since the tumor was also in the stomach, which is where they want to get tissue from to construct a new esophagus, they may have to get tissue from somewhere else. Which happens to be---the colon. So I might literal be split open from chest to groin. This surgery kills 5-10% of the people who get it, and it can take up to a year to completely heal from it.

But if we are patient, and make smart choices that wait upon the Lord for healing, maybe all that will be unnecessary. So we'll start with stretching and see how long it lasts. I'll do the metal stent and the surgery if that's where God leads us, but I don't want to take away the gentler options right now.

Deanna and I were discussing some dear friends who called recently and told us about a life threatening medical threat to one of their children. She said something like "Why are all these rotten things happening to so many of the people we love."

In my USAF work, we dealt with a lot of target lists created for training. I told Deanna how we used to sort through thousands of targets to decide which ones would be struck and when. While there were a number of techniques out there, I always fell back on the A-B-C system. It was simple enough for everyone to understand, plus it fixed a number of compatibility problems between two pieces of cantankerous software that we used to plan the air portion of the campaign.

A priority targets were targets that had to be effected on today's missions. They could not wait until later. They had first priority on missions that the air chief had at his disposal. You would do everything you possibly could to ensure these targets got effected because the success or failure of the campaign objectives hinged on them.

B priority targets were targets that should be effected on today's missions, but could be delayed for a few days if resources were not available.

C priority targets were the nice-to-have targets, but could wait for a long time if necessary. In fact, the war might end before they got effected, and they might not ever get effected at all.

Well, I supposed out loud to Deanna that Satan has a target list. She thought it was so interesting that she insisted that I blog today and include the idea.

I suppose people who are without a saving knowledge of Yeshua are C priority targets. Satan knows he already has them, so why waste his resources on them?

When someone accepts Christ and gets saved, I suppose they move up to the B priority target list. Satan hates Jesus, so he hates us too and becomes more willing to spend his resources on attacking us.

And when a christian matures in the knowledge of the Lord, begins doing His work, teaching, preaching, discipling, ministering, strengthening the body of Christ,--well guess what? Those Christians get bumped up to Satan's A priority list because taking them out will do the most damage per expended resource to the church.

So it doesn't surprise me at all that so many bad things happen to our most mature and capable and productive christian leaders. It's standard military targeting. I've done it long enough that I recognize it when I see it.

So we should all cover our elders, deacons, teachers, and other christian leaders with extra prayer, because I have a hunch that they are all A priority targets on Satan's target list.

With much love and thankfulness,

Copycat...But well worth it

It is late. After midnight and I can not sleep. I have been laying in bed praying over so many things. Elizabeth had a softball game tonight (victory) and her Papa gave her a digital camera after the game. She was excited and we had dinner and went to bed late. We have created a Phillips sanctuary in the Master Bedroom. Mike sleeps in the hospital bed and Elizabeth and I sleep in the King bed. We have been reading through the Chronological Bible and then a little out of the book Heaven most nights. Tonight was great. We read from both books and then talked and even laughed. Mike actually downed about 1/2 bottle of water. I didn't say anything, but I noticed. AND it hasn't come back up. I also anointed him tonight with oil and prayed over him. It has been awhile and I really felt lead to do it.

Anyway, both Mike and Elizabeth are softly snoring and I finally decided to get up. I tried to catch up on some blogs and came across this posting from Connor's website.

"It doth not yet appear what we shall be." 1 John 3:2

Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of spiritual life. The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere. Common sense says - "Well, supposing I were in that condition . . ." We cannot suppose ourselves in any condition we have never been in. Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time. Jesus said, "Except ye become as little children." Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy."Believe also in Me," said Jesus, not - "Believe certain things about Me." Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come. Remain loyal to Him.

This stopped me in my tracks again. I thought of my last posting and all the sighs and tears. To be certain of God mean we are to be uncertain of what the day may bring. This is usually said with a sigh... I want to turn my sighs into breathless expectation.

My Breathless Expectations -

1. The Doctor's appointment in the morning - that I am sure I will be chipper after a only a few hours of sleep.

2. God's complete healing of Mike's issues with his esophagus right now. Praise God for allowing Mike to drink water tonight.

3. God's angels on earth- more unexpected encounters. I have had one with Tina at the Cancer Center. She is alive 4 years after a 3 month death sentence. Bread of Life delivered to our door from Angie. Phone call from Robin. Roxanne talking me through the battle yet again. Carol's helpful post.

4. Mike is at 8 months and 3 days since our "death sentence". 9 months was the longest they gave us. Only God knows our day and time.

5. Tessa - Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come. Remain loyal to Him.

6. Our House - I truly wait to see what He does. He gave us that house. The way it unfolded was of Him. So I trust.

7. The Va - It didn't even occur to me to contact my Congressman. I was able to place a phone call and fax some paperwork. More than that, I was able to talk to his staff about the concurrent receipt. That still bugs me and I know that it is too late for us. However, it doesn't seem right that if someone is 100% service connected disabled that they can't get concurrent receipt if they have not put in 20 years. I think that rule should apply no matter the time put in. I will get on my soapbox about that later.

So I wait with breathless expectation, uncertain of why this world is so full of bad things that are happening all around to the people I love. But I am certain of God; certain of His power, His healing; His love; His promise.

Thank you for loving us through the down days. Sweet Dreams!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Hard day....

I want to thank whoever posted that anonymous comment from the last posting. Wow. That is it exactly...

Mike is not doing that well today. He got hungry (yes...Praise God) and made himself an egg. However, it got stuck going down and he has been throwing up phlegm ever since. It is so hard to sit by and watch this unfold. Mike's blood is down, his platelets are low, and we have to do something about this esophagus. It just breaks me to think of putting a stent in Mike again. It is just so painful for him. When he woke up the last time, he was in so much pain. It was just heart wrenching to try to comfort him and not be able to take that away. (Tears welling and huge sigh)

I also called the VA today to try to figure out where our benefits are. So, we have not received our disability for 2 months now and I got all kinds of answers. All this is related to the postponement of the retirement date. I got one answer that because the VA paid us while on active duty, we are not entitled to benefits anymore. I got another answer that we need to refile. I finally got an answer that they just need to reinstate the benefits and that should take about 30 days. (Huge sigh from me right now)

We now need to file - all documentation for the VA for all the other issues Mike had while on active duty. Ugh. More paperwork.. (Sigh)

The house... still not sold. What to do? Lower the price again? I spent some time today on the phone with the bank to figure out loan rates to cover the loss when we lower the price further (Huge sigh...)

Work? How? How do I go to work and leave Mike? How much longer can I not work? (sigh..)

But as mentally weighing as these past few days as been, I look around and realize that the people I love are still here. God is still here. Things have been worse. We will get through, even if it is moment by moment. Please just lift us up in prayer. . lift me up in prayer. I am really battling to shake off Satan's attacks.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Update and whining

I know it is well past time to update the blog. Mike has held up pretty well this week. The effects of the chemo we relatively low. He did throw up, but not as much. He did have the chemo fog, but for not very long this time. I think God's hand and the 6 week break were needed. We go to the doctor tomorrow morning. I am under the impression that there is no chemo due to his low platelets, but Mike thinks he is doing round 2 tomorrow. The last time we did chemo 2 weeks in a row, we spent some time in the hospital and I want to avoid that like the swine flu.

It is hard to type this blog today. My heart is just so heavy with burdens, worries, and struggles. I just want to break out of this prison cell of cancer. I get so mad at it sometimes. It maps out our days - what we can and can not do. We tried to go on a over night last night. It took so much work just to pack up and leave with everything we needed. Then it fell apart at the last minute. As I am typing this, it sounds like new parents trying to figure out how to travel with a baby for the first time! I wish we could let go of what was. I think that is how Satan attacks us the most - wishing for things that just aren't anymore. I really makes me mad too. Satan uses the "things" so we don't focus on the "people and blessings" that God so richly blesses us with everyday.

So, the best way to end this therapy session is to focus on what has blessed us - the Duseks, a family movie today, Go and Be, a great lightening display last night, rainy days, family, and our dear friends near and far.

Prayer needs:
Our house in FL to sell
To bind Satan and his attacks
God's audible voice
Direction and future plans for medical
God to continue to kill the cancer
Mike to get stronger
God to open Mike's esophagus so he can eat
Financial wisdom

Our daily bread
He will never leave us nor forsake us!!!!!