Thursday, November 26, 2009


Dear Friends,

As I write, Thanksgiving has concluded and Black Friday has begun early. After a wonderful family time, Deanna and her sister have discovered a local outlet mall that started sales 30 minutes ago and they are on there way to do some damage.

There have been a whole series of snafus over the purchase of this house, so that I am wondering if God means us to be there. This latest involves a dispute between several contracts and addendums in which the seller now expects us to pay about $2K of costs which they previously agreed they would pay. There is a good chance the deal will fall through entirely. I'm okay with this if it is God's will. I've already picked out the next candidate house to look over. We will likely do a drive by tomorrow. There is a verse that says something like "Better to live in a tent with the Lord than in a mansion without him." Proverbs I think, not sure.

Blood checks went fine Wednesday. They let me off till Monday. Monday will be pretty tough. Blood check, doctor's appointment, followed by double chemo, followed by either a house closing or a deal cancellation (hopefully before the chemo side effects begin to set in).

Well, I have had another dream, or vision, or chemo-induced hallucination, whatever you choose to call it that I would like to share with you. I waited for a while because I didn't understand it, and I wasn't sure if it was meant for me to share it. But now I can share it with at least partial understanding, and in a way that glorifies Yeshua, showing his great power, love, and mercy.

With something like this, one struggles mightily as Job did between what the Bible says is God's will for us, and what happens in reality. We were designed to live forever, yet children suffer and die every day. Christians who serve God faithfully become sick and destitute. So many truly terrible things happen to so many people. Our church prayer list has so many suffering people, most from cancer. I am just one of them.

I found myself in the throne room of heaven. I saw the white throne, but I could not see God Himself. Yeshua was standing at the left side of the throne. I had a sense there were many more people (or angels or whatever) in the room, but I was not permitted to see them. I walked to Yeshua and kneeled. He put His hands on my shoulders and began to speak. I wasn't permitted to hear all of it, just bits and pieces. It was not in English. It sounded middle eastern, but not Hebrew, Arabic, nor Farsi. Something else. Aramaic maybe? I don't speak any of these, but I have a pretty good ear to differentiate between them after a career focused mostly on region. I can usually tell the difference.

I had a sense that some sort of ceremony was being conducted-like being commissioned in the military. And I had a funny feeling in my chest, like some energy was tingling around the places where the cancer is. Even though no English was spoken, at the end of it, there was a thought in my head. It was "Be opened". Then it was over.

I had to think about that long and hard. What was he talking about? Open up my esophagus to food? (The first and most obvious thought.) Open my mind to some new teaching? OK, maybe. Open my heart to something that it was too hardened to see the way God sees it? Maybe. Wasn't really sure so I just sat on it and meditated for a while.

Then I did some surfing and learned a little more about Aramaic. A lot of scholars believe that Aramaic was actually the language Yeshua used almost all the time. Apparently it was the day-to-day language of the whole Holy Land during His earthly ministry. Even though the old testament is in Hebrew, they think this may be sort of like the way many catholic churches use the Latin Bible today. They teach in English, but read the Bible in Latin. These scholars think Jesus may have taught in Aramaic, but read the Bible in Hebrew when he was teaching from the old testament. Later, his followers wrote the new testament in Greek so it could be used to spread the gospel to a wider audience throughout the former Alexandrian empire. I was sort of hoping to find an idiot's guide to Aramaic so I could look over some words and see if I recognized any of them. Eventually, I got around to my favorite Bible search engine.

I popped in "Be Opened" and was amazed at how many hits I got. In the Bible, "open" can refer to physical healing of the blind and deaf. It can refer to softening hearts. It can refer to opening minds to new wisdom. It can refer to God making a way for someone where there was only blocking before. It can refer to getting new blessings from God. "open" is a powerful word in the Bible.

But the most amazing hit was Mark 7:31-36, where Yeshua heals a deaf man by saying to him "Be Opened" in, no less, Aramaic. I had forgotten the details of this one:

"Mark 7:31-36 (New International Version)

The Healing of a Deaf and Mute Man

31Then Jesus left the vicinity of Tyre and went through Sidon, down to the Sea of Galilee and into the region of the Decapolis.[a] 32There some people brought to him a man who was deaf and could hardly talk, and they begged him to place his hand on the man.
33After he took him aside, away from the crowd, Jesus put his fingers into the man's ears. Then he spit and touched the man's tongue. 34He looked up to heaven and with a deep sigh said to him, "Ephphatha!" (which means, "Be opened!" ). 35At this, the man's ears were opened, his tongue was loosened and he began to speak plainly.
36Jesus commanded them not to tell anyone. But the more he did so, the more they kept talking about it.
Mark 7:31 That is, the Ten Cities"

Here is a hotlink:

I'm honestly not sure if I heard "Ephphata!" or not in my vision. You can hear it here if you press the right arrow next to the phonetic spelling:

Wow. I was pretty blown away. But I kept it to myself. I was still wrestling with it. I still am wrestling with it.

The truth is, I have been struggling to keep my heart in the right attitude. There have been a series of unfair and tragic deaths around me. Two children. My last scans showed active cancer metabolism and tumor growth in some places, even though some tumors dissappeared. This house thing is not going well. Concurrent receipt failed, and the HAP program turned us down, decreasing our income significantly. Many set backs on many fronts. I've been irritable, downtrodden, and even snapped at my beloved a few times.

And then, I was in the throne hall again. But I was full of angst this time. Yeshua stood off to the side, and I addressed the throne alone. He seemed to want me to stand before the Father by myself. I told God about all these rotten things and, it was not pretty. It was not as respectful as it should have been. I asked Him why His word says that we are to have life overflowing-but not for me. I asked him why his word says "By his stripes we are healed." but not for me. I asked Him when He was going to fulfil his promises to me and my family. We have done everything His word says we are supposed to do, so where is the fulfillment of His promises to us?

And then, I really went out on a limb. In the word, it says we should not test God. But there is one exception. God himself accused the Israelites of cheating Him out of the tithe, and then says something like "Go ahead and test me in this, and see if I will not open up the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that you won't be able to contain it!" So I did it. I looked at God's throne and said something like. "OK. Just like your word says, I'm testing you right now. Where is my blessing? Where is my blessing that is so much I won't be able to contain it? We have done everything on our part. We have brought in the tithe, served you as best we can, asked forgiveness for ourselves and freely given forgiveness to others, fought with faith healing, fought with conventional medicine, and even unconventional medicine. So where is it God? Where is my healing and my blessing?"

There was silence in response. After a pause, I added

"I don't mean to be blasphemous or disrespectful. But we suffer so much. We need You! We need your promises and blessings, and we need them now."

More silence. And then it was over. I was back. I thought to myself..."Well, you've done it now. You were privileged to see the throne hall in Heaven and you talked bad to God in His own house. You have definitely had it. You'll be lucky if he lets you in ever again, and you can probably forget about any blessing or healing." I kept this one to myself as well for a while, and then shared it just with Deanna while we were out shopping. I remember thinking to myself, maybe Jesus got more than he really wanted when he said Be Opened. A lot of stuff came out that maybe should have stayed in. More on that later.

When we got home, there was a note from the government. Uh -oh, I thought, here it is. Gotta be something bad. A letter about an audit on my disability payments from social security. But no-the letter said they had miscalculated my payment and it was too low. They are increasing it by about $50 per month and-get this-giving me a lump some back payment for the months prior! What a blessing! It may not be the Lotto, but every bit helps. And I felt pretty stupid about what I said to God. While I was ranting to Him, He already, literally, had arranged for the check to be in the mail.

And the blessings did not stop there. Deanna's Uncle Dick passed recently, and tonight we learned that the family had discovered some things he had written that showed ample evidence that he had a saving knowledge of Christ. So we can rejoice that we will see him again in heaven.

There was another blessing tonight too. I haven't eaten much by mouth in a long time. The last time I tried, it was just a tiny bite of mashed potato and it came back up. Weeks ago.

My sweet Deanna wanted me to be able to share in the Thanksgiving meal. So she took some turkey and stuffing and ran it through the turbo grinder to liquify it, and also some mashed potato and gravy. So I had two little bowls of liquid on my plate at the table. They went down okay.

After dinner, everyone broke up into groups and I was sort of on my own by the tv. There was so much wonderful food, I went poking around the left overs. I put a little of everything on my plate. Just one small morsel of each type of food. Turkey, dressing, corn casserole, spinich casserole, green bean caserole, sweet potato casserole, a bit of lettuce/tomatoe salad, apple pie, bannana pie...the whole thing.

I sat down and thought, this is crazy. You're just going to make yourself sick and miserable. The doc refused to stretch you anymore and your esophagus hasn't been stretched in a long time.

I made sure the bathroom was available in case I needed to be sick. And then, I began to nibble.

I started with the softest foods and worked my way up, chewing for a long time, very thoroughly, before swallowing.

And you know what? Everything went down and stayed down-even the turkey!

Yaweh be praised, thank You Yeshua. They have given me a Thanksgiving meal tonight!

Reference my earlier thought about Yeshua getting more than he bargained for after opening me up in the throne room. Maybe, just maybe, Yeshua knew exactly what He was doing when he said be opened. Maybe He knew that I had to release all that angst during the second time in the throne hall. Maybe he meant Be Opened on many levels-in my heart, in my mind, and even in my cancer shriveled esophagus. The depth of His wisdom is amazing.

A year ago I went into the hospital with a staph infection. I was there till almost Christmas. Many people expected me to die there. But by God's grace I lived. And this holiday season, so far, I am at home. Thank You Yeshua, thank You.

I don't fully understand all this yet. I'm still processing it. It's apparent that many blessings and much healing have occurred, but there is still much more to go. But I feel better about holding onto His hope and promises now. And there sure isn't anything held back between me and God now. All the cards are on the table.

I know this is a super long blog, but I hope it will bless you and amaze you with God's power and grace.

Yours in Christ,

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Another issue has postponed the closing of the house. We are praying that God's will be done now. I refuse to dwell on this anymore. It is out of our hands and I truly want to focus on being thankful for the blessings that surround me.

Mike and I are thankful to you - our friends and family - for constantly holding us in your prayers and your thoughts. We are thankful for your encouragement, laughter, smiles, and words. We are thankful to the Air Force for our road that led us to you. Most of all, we are thankful to the Lord Jesus, for His sacrifice. For we know that He is the glue that holds us together as brothers and sisters.

Sending our love... Mike, Deanna, and Elizabeth

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Hanging in there - working on Patience

Mike went to the doctor yesterday and overall it was ok. Mike has lost weight and now tips the scale below 140. That sent waves of panic through me, but Mike keeps reassuring me it will be ok. I told him he has just got to keep on the feeding schedule of 6-7 times a day this week. We have the week off from Chemo and this week needs to be about rest and weight gain, which is ironic considering what is going on right now.

Things are way out of whack with closing on our house. It is not us, not our realtor, not our title company, it the mortgage company. We are really tied because of the Veteran's Land Board here in Texas and who will do these loans. We left off yesterday with the documents going to the Title Company and us closing today. However, come to find out the documents are not together even now as I type at 2:00 pm. I am pretty confident we are looking at tomorrow at the earliest. Now if it fails to close then, we are looking at Monday and that is our last shot. If we don't close on Monday, Fannie Mae will pull the house and put it back on the market. Not to mention, Doug and Dena have bought plane tickets and taken leave to fly in Friday to help us.. AND Mike is scheduled to start Chemo again on Monday. (Trust in the Lord....) I am being patient, but I have stopped everything for now and am just waiting. This makes me appreciate Superior Home Loans in Niceville, FL and Bart Swan even more. That was such an enjoyable easy experience when we purchased that home. This.. This is not.

Mike is doing better, but the Chemo effects lasted a long time this time. He still will get waves of exhaustion and nausea even now. But I am so thankful. So thankful. Even with the mess of moving and closing, I am so thankful. I will never take a day together for granted. My God is an awesome God and He reigns in all details.. the house, Mike's health, our family, my life. AMEN!

Prayer needs:
Mike - please pray specifically that he will gain weight. That the chemo effects will be gone. That we will spend this holiday weekend together this year and that we will not end up in the hospital. When you pray, please remember to Thank God for everything He has done for Mike and for us
Deanna - that I can handle all that needs to be done with grace and that His light shows instead of the negative things.
Elizabeth - rest, fun, and rejuvenation

Friends, family, Mike, a house, time together!

Friday, November 20, 2009

The Million(s) Dollar Man

We got two interesting things in the mail today. One was a medical bill from Dr. Khan's office and another was a card from Fish Bayou Baptist Church in Louisiana. Both are worthy of blogging about today.

We got a bill from Dr. Khan's office and we owe $132 for co-pays. That in and of itself is not interesting. What is interesting is that I have in my hands the cost of Mike's chemo and doctor's visit since October 1.
$182,796.25. (that number is a sentence by itself don't you think?)
The chemotherapy drugs: one is $1500, one is $4000 and the other one is $10,500. You know the white blood booster shots that we get? $1000 a pop. Guess how much insurance covers? About $43,000 of the total bill. (this is not political statement blog today, but it makes you think) I truly praise God for our insurance and Tricare Prime right now. I have NO problem paying the $132. Now keep in mind, this is only 2 months.

The same trip to the mailbox produced another wonderful, encouraging card from Fish Bayou Baptist Church. Do you know we have never been there? Never visited. No relatives are members there. The only connection we have is through a friend's in-laws. The heard about us and have been faithfully praying, encouraging, and sending cards for over a year now. Brothers and sisters in Christ that we may never meet this side of Heaven. But we will meet. Isn't that amazing? There are many others too! But my heart is so encouraged today by the perfect timing of it all. It costs $182,000 for Mike to live and yet is costs Mike nothing for Mike to LIVE.

So Mike is a million (probably more like millions) dollar man. He is worth a million to the medical world, but more importantly he is worth millions and millions to Elizabeth and I. But in the grand scheme of things, Mike is worth a million-infinity (playground rules) to Jesus.

Mike is starting to come out of Chemo this afternoon. He still feels bad, but he is talking to me and watching a video.
That God knows all. It rained here today, so most likely postponing the move was God's care.
Pedicures with Traci. Thanks for calling me!

Prayer needs:
The house to close next Wednesday
Mike's strength, weight and health
My family, both here and in MN
Elizabeth and Disciple Now weekend at church. Pray specifically that God will reveal more of himself to her and that their relationship will continue to strengthen/her foundation will be secure

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


Not closing until next Wednesday now... Don't ask. Sometimes silence is a higher road


Please accept my apology for the blog yesterday... At least the last part of the blog. Sleep helped and a new day has begun. What's done is done and we just keep walking. One step in front of another. My blessings are far to great to whine the way I did. I am sorry.

Please continue to pray for Mike and the chemo side effects this week. They did hit last night and he slept in the recliner. He is out of it today. Pray the rest will give him strength to close on the house tomorrow.

This is probably the last update until next week. Moving begins tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A really broken down blogger posts

Mike did Chemo yesterday and so far he is doing well. Last week, the side effects hit him on Tuesday night. We will see what happens in a few hours. Please pray specifically that Mike will not have ANY side effects this week. I need him so much right now with everything going on.

Lisa Tuttle popped in from Florida yesterday. As I say time and time again, we love visitors. We just hugged and I cried. Lisa and Alan have known us since we were first married. Lisa was a mentor for me and taught me so much about how to cook, be an AF wife, and most importantly prayed unceasingly for our salvation. What a gift to pray for us for so long and to see it come to past. When she left I asked her, "how does Mike look to you?" and she said, "Thin, which I expected, but I saw Life in his eyes and as long as I see that I know all will be ok" She was talking about the life that comes through Christ Jesus and praise God she is right. Mike has the guarantee of everlasting life.

Yesterday, we also found out my Uncle Dick passed away. It was very unexpected and it is very hard on the family. Dick is my uncle that is a Vietnam Vet and if you have been reading from the blog, we got to see him last summer. Mike was able to connect him with a fellow soldier that he hadn't seen since Vietnam, but it was a great reunion and really blessed Dick and us as well. We love you so much, Uncle Dick. You have been nothing but kind, generous, loving and supportive to us. May you rest in peace and praise God you no longer are experiencing the pain you lived with for so long from all your injuries serving our country. Thank you.

To my dear family, both here and in Minnesota. Mike and I are so sorry that we can not be there to walk through this with you and to honor Dick. We love you so much.

We are set to move:
Thursday - after the closing until about 6 pm
Friday - all day until dark
Saturday - 2:30 pm until dark
Sunday - to finish (hopefully) what is left

We can use all the help we can get, especially with my family going out of town for the funeral.

We found out today that the Homeowners Assistance Program turned us down. We don't qualify (yet again). There is an appeals process, which we will try. I have to tell you this broke me and I am a little angry. We are using what is left of our saving to get our house. We used our investments to pay someone to take our house in Florida. The concurrent receipt didn't pass. We were 7 months shy of 20 years.. I am really angry and just tired and just broken. How much more Lord? Why Lord? What am I not seeing or hearing? How much more? Lord, protect my family from anymore attacks.. Guard Mike...

I am really begging for prayers right now.... For Mike and for me.. I need to hold it together

Praises: with everything that has been stripped away and with all the struggles, Mike is still here. Jesus said He will never leave us or forsake us... Lord, be near me

Holding on tightly ~ Deanna

Friday, November 13, 2009


I was up early today and finally decided to post some pictures. A wonderful new friend, Marlo, took the family pictures of us back in August. The wonderful backdrop is provided by my brother and his beautiful backyard (yet one more thing in a long list of things that have done for us). They were taken at the end of August, before braces and before MD Anderson. I also decided to post the crazy picture of Elizabeth's undefeated fall softball team. What I hope to show you, is that despite everything, we do get moments of just life. Moments that we took for granted not so long ago. Instead of treasuring the trips we used to take all the time, we treasure going to watch Elizabeth play softball. We treasure walking into church as a family to worship. We treasure Friday nights watching Star Wars Clone Wars together. So while I am all about vacations, trips, concerts, musicals, amusement parks, water parks, etc., don't forget to treasure the simple things this holiday season. Trust me, spending time with those you love is an incredible gift!

So, Mike is coming out of this week's chemo treatment and looks pretty good. His blood is ok and Elizabeth had 1/2 day of school. We are loading up the wheel chair and heading out to Trade's Days here in McKinney (outdoor market). We plan to wander until we get tired.
Prayer needs:
Mikes strength, blood, energy, health, and weight
Our new home - that we can close on the 20th and that everything will get done
Elizabeth and DNOW weekend next weekend (youth retreat)
Me - that I can pack up, move us, get things fixed, etc over the next few weeks
Enough help to get the above done :)

Doug and Dena are taking vacation to help us/me!
Lisa is visiting this weekend!
Wendy and Jeff's wisdom in sticking all the boxes in the attic for this move
You will be able to put our new address is ink!!??! Wow.. no more pencil entries on us
People offering to help to move including FBC McKinney and from Four Corners Church
Returning stuff like Nancie's Refrigerator that we borrowed to keep all the TPN in for Mike. What a gift it is to remember where we have been medically and where we are right now!
One more day

Monday, November 9, 2009

The Battle Belongs to the Lord

The CT Scan is in and things are relatively OK. Cancer is such a battlefield. I heard one patient the other day talking about her latest PET Scan. It was negative and she was rejoicing. She said, " we have now gone from playing defense to playing offense." Everyone was shaking their head in agreement totally understanding what she meant. I think we are still in the defense mode and pray someday soon we will get to go into the offensive mode.

Mike's CT has shown that some of his liver lesions are growing. However, his liver is still soft and you can't feel this change. There is a node around the gallbladder area that is growing as well. But, the node in his lung is gone and the thickening in his esophagus is unchanged. Praise God! Dr. Khan continues to use words like amazing and remarkable when looking at the CT Scans and such. It is because after 5 + months without targeted chemotherapy on the main cancer, he is still in such good shape. His blood work looks great right now and he only lost a half of pound this last week. That is truly amazing since he didn't eat for over 36 hours when his tube got clogged.

So Mike did round 2 of Chemo today. This is the chemo that we are praying will reverse the things growing in the paragraph above. We also put a nausea patch on Mike today. I hope that this will kick in and keep him eating right through the next few days.

Cancer is a battle. I can almost picture the war going on in his body. The attack and counter-attack. "Take this!" then "You can have that lymph node, I will attack here" "Oh yeah? Well here I come to get you there too!" I know the same battle rages for us as well - the spiritual battle. The battle between sin and good. The battle for souls. In the end, fight! You have to fight! In the end, it is easy to fight. Do you know why? Because the battle is the Lords... You just have to show up, put on the armor (Ephesians 6: 10 - 14) and choose to fight.

In heavenly armor we'll enter the land the battle belongs to the Lord
No weapon that's fashioned against us shall stand the battle belongs to the Lord
We sing glory...! Honor...!Power and strength to the Lord

The power of darkness comes in like a flood the battle belongs to the Lord
He's raised up a standard, the power of His blood the battle belongs to the Lord
We sing glory...! Honor...!Power and strength to the Lord

When your enemy presses in hard do not fear the battle belongs to the Lord
Take courage my friend, your redemption is near the battle belongs to the Lord
We sing glory...! Honor...!Power and strength to the Lord

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Procedure done

Mike has come thru the replacing of the tube procedure just fine. The praise is that the tube was really clogged with medication (curcumin) and that cancer wasn't the issue. There was a concern that cancer might be blocking it or that cancer might have grown around it and prevented the removal of the tube in the ER last night. Praise God! Praise God! it was not the case. In fact, Mike saw the xray equipment that was helping the radiologist guide the guide wire and neither of them saw an obvious tumor in his stomach. I just remember the grapefruit size tumor in his stomach when he was first diagnosed 14 months ago... Thank you God for your mercy and grace.

Mike is flipping through the Sunday paper as we speak ready to go home. In fact, that was the first thing he said after the staff left the room. Please pray that there are no complications with the new tube and that he hasn't lost too much weight after not eating for over 36 hours so far.

On my knees rejoicing! Deanna

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Elizabeth Pitching

We have all this extra time while we are waiting on a hospital room so we thought we would upload pictures from Elizabeth pitching today. Her softball season ended and her team was undefeated. The team is full of good girls that have fun together. It has been great playing with them when it hasn't rained this fall!

Our Streak is at an end.. Mike is in the hospital

Dog! We are in the ER as I type waiting on a hospital room. We were doing so good! This is all related to Mike's feeding tube. Mike was doing his morning medicines when the tube got clogged. We tried everything - coke, sodium bicarbonate, warm water, syringes to no avail. We placed a call to the doctor and we had to go to the ER. After an hour wait in the waiting room in masks, we were escorted back to a room. We have been here for 4 hours. God, once again, has met us here. Our ER doctor goes to our church and he knows us. His wife was the director of Life School Musical and is in love with Elizabeth. So we tried again to flush it here, and it is still clogged. Dr. Armstrong thought he could remove it and put another one in here in the ER, but unfortunately the opening is too small. After consulting with everyone, it was decided to admit Mike tonight and perform the procedure in the morning at 9:00 am. They need to place a guide wire down Mike's nose through his esophagus to put in the new tube. Everyone is concerned about the cancer there and possible complications, so they want to do it right and not a quick procedure tonight. So here we are...

Please pray for a private room (way too many germs here), and that the procedure goes well without complications. Please also pray that Mike or I will not pick up any stray germs while we are here.

I am praising God for His angel here in the ER, for insurance, and for all our friends and family that have helped in a moments notice with Elizabeth! I will post again tomorrow.

Friday, November 6, 2009


The CT Scan is done and Mike is starting to wake up out of the Chemo fog. He had a bad night last night. He couldn't get comfortable and has intestinal issues. It is probably chemo related, but he is going to talk to doctor this morning. His blood is holding good so far...

This chemo is definitely different. He had to take steroids for two days. One day before chemo and the day of chemo. He didn't sleep. He got maybe 4 hours of sleep in two days. Then we went in for the Taxotere. We had the great opportunity to talk to two different ladies. Jan's husband Chuck, was mixing a powder into a drink for Jan and I want over and asked what it was ( You never know when you might learn something new from other patients). It was a protein powder, Beneprotein, that has been working for her to keep weight on during Chemo. Jan has pancreatic cancer that has spread to her liver. She had breast cancer about 12 years ago. Jan was talking to another lady. This was her 3rd time to battle breast cancer. However, this time a tumor has formed between her C3 and C4 vertebrae. The tumor is in between the spine and the spinal cord. She wears a neck brace all the time. They are afraid that one wrong move of her neck could make her a quadriplegic. Both these ladies are in their 50's I would guess. Both of these ladies have amazing men by their side. They were both very inspirational for me. Their faith is so strong and their fight so courageous. It put me on my knees yet again to thank God for His incredible blessings in our fight. It made me confess my self pity party and ask for forgiveness.

Prayer requests:
Fort Hood, Kileen, the Army and for everyone that has been touched by this tragedy. I spent a few months at Fort Hood training for AAFES before I was sent to California where I met Mike. It is a good place, doing good things, filled to the brim with incredible people. They were also instrumental in doing all our VA paperwork last year at this time for Mike.

Mike - his strength, his fight, his mental toughness and his body. He is struggling with everything mentally. He wants to eat. I made sloppy joes last night and he looked so sad. He loves a good sloppy joe and it is the first time I have made them since before Mike got sick.

Elizabeth and I as we start packing the house and as I try to "dot all the i's" with paperwork, maintenance issues, and moving details for the new house.

The wonderful Taylor boys who came over and got down all the moving boxes out of the attic. I am afraid of heights and falling and this was a huge deal. By the way, the oldest is a Senior as is going into Army ROTC at University of Missouri. He wants to be in Special Ops!

For my little "slap in the face" this week so I can look around and see the what blessings I have right now, in this moment.

Lunch at school with Elizabeth...

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Quick Post to update

We are headed in for the CT Scan very shortly. Mike feels awful from the Chemo still. The steroids we took the first two days kept him up and he couldn't sleep. Now he just feels bad and is battling nausea. I do have things I want to post, so I hope to do that tonight. Please be in prayer for this scan. We should know something on Monday.

God Bless you and your day. Make His light shine even in the smallest circumstances and meetings today.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Chemo today, Chemo Tomorrow - back in the saddle again

Here we are again. Mike started another new chemo - Avastin - after seeing the doctor today. His pulse rate is down and his weight is the same. Dr. Khan doesn't feel anything. His liver is still soft (good). However, the cough is still hanging on and it could mean that the cancer is progressing. Dr. Khan has ordered a CT Scan. It may take a week or so for that. Please be in prayer over the CT Scan. Pray that is shows the miraculous results and not disease progression.

Mike and I then went into the chemo room for about a 3 hour IV infusion. It makes it harder when you have to pay a co-pay for it too. Here is $12, now poison me :)! We will go back tomorrow for the other Chemo drug. This one is a little different. Their is a premeditation that I am going to pick up at Walgreens today. He needs to take it today, tomorrow, and Wednesday. He will go in tomorrow for the chemo. This chemo will cause him to lose his hair again.

We got home today after lunch and I arrived to medical bills. I just let out a huge sigh and think, "Here we go again." Just in case you are wondering, it never gets easier. It never becomes routine. Time goes on, and cancer still sucks. (That should be a bumper sticker or something, don't you think?)

I refuse to end the blog on that note. It sounds so depressing. Yes cancer sucks, but God is bigger than cancer. God has never left us. Mike is His visible handiwork. Mike is a miracle and what I am thankful for is His physical presence. His angels roaming this earth that know the perfect time to send an email, visit, and respond to our S.O.S. We are still a family. We have one more day.... so I am going to use the rest of it to remember where we have been, who brought us through, and focus on Him.

Prayer needs:
Mike to gain weight, health, CT Scan, Acid Reflux to subside, protection from harmful side effects of chemo, cough to go away, and both mental and physical energy
Financial wisdom
House and move details
Emotional healing

A home for us
Neighborhood block party's
beautiful weather
day off from school