Weeping..

This past week has been a hard week. I haven't posted because I am just struggling. My birthday was this past weekend and I went through the motions but in the end, I didn't want to celebrate it. It is just too soon. There are times when I am so sad that it physically hurts and I don't want to talk about it. My sadness has nothing to do with my faith. I am completely confident of Jesus, of Mike in heaven, and God is so near us. But I am sad.

Interesting enough, last Wednesday at church, Curtis led a discussion from John 11 where Lazarus died and he raised him. But what stuck out to me, was the sadness that surrounded Lazarus's death. In fact there is one sentence in there that keeps coming to me over and over... Jesus wept. I take so much comfort in that. Even the most Holy cried and He knew that he was about to raise Lazarus. He knew Lazarus was safe and He knew the plans for Him, but He loved him so much that he was sad and cried. So as I struggle to move forward and what that looks like, I continue to look to Jesus to wrap me, hold me, and help me. But I know the tears are shed are ok too.

I have gotten about 60% of the paperwork done at this point. Maybe more. I have a meeting with Social Security Administration tomorrow, so hopefully that will be done by the time that meeting is done. I think I am at the point, where all the paperwork is in and now I am waiting for the next step which could take anywhere from 3 days to 30 days, depending on the organization. I am still not sure if I will have to probate Mike's will or not. So that might be another step. Everything is just going to take time. I continue to be impressed with USAA. They have always been a great bank, but I tell you they have been the easiest to work with by far. I continue to be horribly disappointed with First Command Financial Planning. I will be moving everything away from them as soon as possible. I have sent paperwork to the VA and am waiting on a response there and I just got the paperwork off to the AF and waiting the response there.

Prayer needs:
Just pray over me and Elizabeth... this road is full of unexpected valleys and peaks. Pray that we keep walking
Pray for direction for me

Praise:
My sweet daughter and her incredible gift yesterday. She wrote me a note from Mike and it sounded just like him. She also gave me a "Life Box" and filled it full of trinkets and notes like a cup to remind me that my cup overflows with Jesus.
Counseling at church
Cards, notes, emails, everything from Everybody. I hope to start pushing out Thank yous soon.
Meals from friends that are starting up this week. I turned them down last week, thinking it was time for me to kick things in gear. But the paperwork kept me from cooking and we had grilled cheese a lot last week.