Ups and downs... but ok.

It has been awhile part because I didn't know what to type and part because things started getting a little busy here. I want to first assure everyone that both Elizabeth and I are in grief counseling weekly through our counseling and ministry center at our church. I know I sometimes pour out my heart on the blog and it may look concerning. We are doing ok and we are getting help to make sure we continue to do ok.

But I will tell you this, you can never prepare for the fullness of grief. It is such a shock to the system when you try to get a grasp on the full picture. It hits you when you don't expect it and it is the smallest things. But when you think about it, life is about the smallest of things. It is not about the big trips, the perfect car, etc... it is about the time together and moments that only two people share. The other day I was dropping of the kids for school and it was a particularly quiet trip to school on a Tuesday. The kids pile out and I said, "Have a joyful day!" in my best up beat voice possible. I got a "rolling of the eyes", 2 grunts and silence. I laughed and wanted to tell Mike. He would have laughed too. I miss my "I get you even though no one else does" partner.

There was a pause in the paperwork, but I finally got insurance so I could continue on with the process. I have finally been able to pay all the bills and that is a huge load off my mind. The SBP has started and social security has started for Elizabeth as well. God is so good and I don't take it for granted especially after the struggle the past 18 months. I paid the funeral bill and I am completely in love with Turrentine Jackson and Morrow here in McKinney. Words can not express how awesome they are. I have had a dealing once or twice with a funeral home before and I went in there with my armor up and a body guard (Scott) expecting what happened the last time I dealt with someone passing away. It was a complete 180 and I would never chose anyone else if I have to do this again. I think I would want to know this to have in the back of my mind, so I am going to share this. The funeral cost around $15,000. I am sharing this because I would want to know a ballpark figure for planning purposes for myself or just to keep in the back of my mind if situations were reversed.

I am now getting things together to file the last of the VA paperwork for the funeral expenses and working with a new financial planner. It is funny, because now I need to make sure things are concise, easy, and together in case Jesus calls me home for Elizabeth. It is weird being out here on a limb without Mike as my back up. In the back of your mind, you think if something happens to me, Mike will take care of everything. That is not the case anymore and I need to cross all the t's and dot the i's for her.

Elizabeth and I continue to have good moments, bad moments, restful nights, and bad dreams. Though I can honestly say nothing that is out of normal for what we are walking. We have started reading Heaven by Randy Alcott together at night. I have had it for awhile (since Tucson) but I thought it might help both of us to really understand Heaven and what is there and not just that it is a good place to go.

We are both excited to go to Abilene at the end of the month for the B-1 25th reunion. We want to have fun, see old friends, and do some official AF paperwork/ID's. We are also full swing into softball season and that takes up so much time. But I love it!

Interesting side note here, my wonderful counselor told me to make sure I do something fun every once in awhile like get a pedicure, etc. to remind my brain how to be happy. I really liked that idea. Now I am wondering if I can get a prescription and write off things like a massage, facial, trip to the beach, all in the name of good medicine!

Prayer needs:
Wisdom
Financial wisdom
protection
Please pray for Elizabeth, her heart, her walk, her relationship with Christ

Praise:
Mike's financial planning
God being so near
My church family
My family and dear friends!