Found: The Exception

I have been mulling over Mike's words since my last post. I came across a file on the computer that he started. He had outlined a book and titled it "The Exception: How Christ cured me of Terminal Cancer". His Prologue was:

The purposes of this book is to glorify Christ, to strengthen the universal church by spreading knowledge of His healing, and to bring more people to a saving knowledge of His great power, mercy and love.

My prayer life is struggling with Mike's book. So many questions. I know that Jesus saved Mike that Christmas in 2008. I know the day it happened. I also know that now, Mike is cured of Terminal Cancer, but it is not the cure that either of us wanted. I am also struggling with what to do with this outline. Does the Lord want me to complete this book or use this outline for something else? I don't think it is an accident I just discovered this file. So I pray...

Over the past week, cancer has once again taken our fellow brother, Buzz Smith, home to be with Jesus. Do you remember the post Mike posted about a year ago? He talked about feeling like he was in a valley walking with fellow cancer patients and snipers were in the hills slowly picking them off one by one. Buzz was the last one in the cancer group Mike was referring too. I am SO ready for the air strike to be called in on cancer. There are so many things I would love to post on that subject... cancer knows no boundaries, it hits all groups, all ages, all ethnicity's, it is increasing (not decreasing).... as so on. Someone somewhere has to step back and think, "what are we missing? why after billions and billions of dollars are we still here?"

I also finished the paperwork on the deed to the house and the cars this week. I felt so sorry for this wonderful lady at the Title Desk yesterday. As I said many times, you never know where and when the emotions will hit, and tears flowed as I was changing the titles on the cars. I just couldn't get over erasing Mike's name from the cars. Legally, you know you have to, but emotionally you don't ever want to. Just seeing his name on paperwork is such a comfort. Technically, they ARE his too. The poor women and to make matters worse her mother has just been diagnosed with cancer and my emotions didn't help her emotions.

I have also discovered some things about this whole "grief process" as well in the past few weeks. Sometimes, tears don't come but an overwhelming exhaustion comes instead. Yesterday, I was extremely tired on the way home from the county office. At Buzz's funeral, I went back to the hotel to sleep because I was very tired all of a sudden. I also find that I am forgetting stuff that I would not normally never forget (like deodorant and toothpaste) or that I can't remember what I need to pack in order to leave. All weird, not Deanna stuff, but in the end a result of this emotion called grief that I am working through.

I am sure I have you all freaked out by now with my post. For those who know me, you wouldn't notice a difference, these are just things that are out of the ordinary for the "Deanna I was" prior to Mike's journey home. This may now be the "Deanna I am", or it maybe the "temporary Deanna". My life has definitely changed. My Savior, Jesus Christ, who strengthens me and upholds me has not. Praise be to Jesus for that, for sure!