Learning from Paul

I haven't posted in awhile. I have just been struggling so much lately. Struggling with the day to day of cancer. You start to watch every micro thing. "Mike why are you coughing?" "Are you okay?" Wondering why Mike is sleeping more today. Did you eat enough? Why didn't you gain weight? Mike's pulse rate is high, what does that mean? Mikes blood counts are down, now up, now down again. Mike's eyes look funny.. is that a rash or just a mark. UGH!!!!!!! It really makes one want to scream. It also pulls that cliff of depression closer on some days. There are days you just want to stay in bed and block everything out. You don't because the minute you give into that Depression will win. And Mike is just this incredible patient man. He doesn't get mad at me when I hoover over him or when I berate him with questions. I am sure he is bitting his tongue but I sure love him!

I opened up more than I probably should have to my dear friend Robin last night on the phone. She is walking through an incredibly difficult time after the loss of her precious baby Tessa. I love her for sharing openly with me about both the emotional and the spiritual side of her journey. For the last few weeks, I have needed to know all is going to be ok. No matter what, it will all be ok. When I hung up the phone, it was time to put Elizabeth to bed. We have been reading throught the bible chronologically since Easter. We have arrived at Paul's journey from Jersulem to Rome to stand before Ceaser. We got to the point where the boat full of prisioners left Crete (when Paul warned not to go) and got caught in horrible weather. They were throwing tackle overboard and were in dire straits. Finally Paul stood before then and said, (Acts 27: 21-26)

After the men had gone a long time without food, Paul stood up before them and said: "Men, you should have taken my advice not to sail from Crete; then you would have spared yourselves this damage and loss. But now I urge you to keep up your courage, because not one of you will be lost; only the ship will be destroyed. Last night an angel of the God whose I am and whom I serve stood beside me and said, 'Do not be afraid, Paul. You must stand trial before Caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you.' So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me. Nevertheless, we must run aground on some island

This was meant for me. Paul was given his life, but he still had to go to the incredible struggle. If you read on, after this promise, their was mutiny, death threats, ship wreck, prisoners swiming ashore, and prisoners that couldn't swin floating on debris to shore. Paul was even bitten by a Viper once on shore. So all this struggle, doesn't negate God's ultimate plan and purpose. I am clinging to that and I thank God for reminding me through His Word.

Mike is hanging tough. We are in this constant questioning phase. His weight is down. His blood numbers are all over the place and his energy seems down to me. But his skin color and eye color look good and he can still swallow liquids and he is not in any pain. Chemotherapy was postponed again until next week due to these numbers. In a way it is a game of strategy and risk with treatment.

Prayer needs:
Mike - his health, strength, nutrition, weight
Godly (The Great I AM) wisdom for treatments
New house - the closing, the appraisal, the move, our finaces, my stress
Elizabeth and I - our health
Connor - my nephew - Swine Flu that he will recover and that it will not spread
Robin - my dear sweet friend!

Praise -
Robin - my dear sweet friend
A home of our own - what a praise...
The Word - Dear Lord, where would I be with it?