Last day of active duty in the USAF

Mike here again. Since today is my last official day of active duty, I thought I should post a little.

Current status is I am in the McKinney hospital waiting for blood. I'm going to get two units, which will hopefully help me feel a bit stronger. My body is weak right now; I get winded just walking from one room to another in the house. No chemo this week, just not strong enough to withstand it. I have a head cold/sinus cold that is draining yellow goo into my stomach and aggravating my nausea.

I have to admit that this retirement hurts more than I thought it would. So much of what I've done in life has been defined by my service. Who am I now? What is my mission now? I want to cling to active service to avoid these questions, but it is time to face them. I believe that God has a plan for me, but he hasn't revealed it yet. Not that I could do anything about it right now anyway until I get stronger, but still I crave to know what it is. I have to be patient though; God will reveal it in His good time.

What do I regret? I think that I worked too hard at the beginning of my career, and often neglected Deanna. There were many evenings and weekends that I was the only one in the squadron, working on some project or other. Projects that were so important that I've forgotten most of them. But I will never get that time back, and neither will Deanna. Hard work is important, but it eventually evaporates. But family is, or should be, forever. I also regret being a little too much into the technology, and not working hard enough to get to know the people I served with. Invest some time in the people around you, their life stories will astound you, even if they appear to be mundane at first. I found myself hungry for squadron command late in my career, because I honestly wanted to be in a position to take care of people. As a squadron DO, my primary job was to take care of the mission, but when my boss was unavailable, I occasionally was able to step in and do something good for someone in the organization. These occasions were some of the most satisfying in my career. Unfortunately, I never got the opportunity to command. There was always a competitor with a slightly stronger record who got the nod for this incredible privilege. This really hurts too, to get that close to the best job in the USAF, but never quite able to reach it. If you are a young aviator, and you think you only want to fly for your entire career, you should reconsider. I got to a point where I had pretty much done everything you can do in a B-1, and then I wanted more, but I hadn't done any of the career building things that lead to command. Don't neglect this part of your career.

Of course there is a tremendous amount of joy as well. The completion of many missions well done. The opportunity to teach several new generations of USAF aviators. The relationships forged in intense training and combat, some of which will last a lifetime. Places visited, and cultures experienced around the world and across the USA. The humble pride of patriotism, of being the recipient of the legacy of those who served before us. When random strangers stop you on the street and thank you for your service--nothing much compares to that.

Of course, you never know. When I'm stronger, maybe I can come back on one of those retired back to active duty programs. I'm also toying with the idea of trying to start a JROTC unit here in McKinney. They have three high schools but no JROTC. I met a student the other day who was commuting to a different city's high school so he could be in JROTC.

My thanks and best wishes go out to everyone I've served with on this USAF journey, especially those who have worked so hard to help me through this illness in recent months. God Bless you beyond your best dreams. In echelon, we carry on--Nothing can stop the US Air Force.

Yours in Christ,
-Mike