The one thing about being here is that I finally have time to blog. I have to admit, sometimes I don't think I have enough strength for this journey. We so need God to miraculously heal Mike. Something. I look at him and can see him losing weight faster and faster. I am scared sometimes. I am sad sometimes. I am mad sometimes. I am happy sometimes.
Today, I had some of my family come up and sit with Mike while I took Elizabeth shopping for a bit. Just to be with her for a few hours. Do you know what she asked me? She said if Dad gets real sick, will she be put up for adoption? I told her she is mine. Period. I told her I know it is tough, but we will get through this with Jesus's help. I am clearly failing at balancing all of this. This is so hard on her. She loves everyone, but has never been apart from us this long. We see her every day, but she is having a hard time.
Mike has been on high dose of antibiotics today and his fever has come down. His White Blood Cell count in a little lower too. My big concern is that his Red Blood count is down as well. It was 10.6 when we left late Tuesday night and it is now 9.3. At this rate, we will be back by Tuesday next week. We have got to figure this out. This is no way to exist. However, we have also hit the hospital on a Holiday weekend. We still haven't seen the Oncologist and we have seen everyone's assistant/PA. So here we are.
I did pick up the mail today as I ran home to shower. We got the bill from the hospital for our stay with the Staph Infection.... $46,000. I praise God for insurance right now.
So we had CT Scan that shows the cancer has invade the Lymph system. We are going to have to find something else to add to our treatment if we are going to beat this. So please be praying for that for us.
I have to admit, I am wavering. I feel like I am holding on to Jesus for my dear life right now. I don't know how to walk this road anymore. I feel so weak and so helpless. To love someone so much and to not be able to make it better is awful. Any tips? Anything? I am just a bowl full of mush right now. Please pray for all of us.
4 comments:
Deanna, we're all still here with you, no one is leaving your side.
Bruce
Know that we love you and pray non-stop!! I wish we could do more. We will continue to cry out to our Lord for healing, discernment, strength and peace. Hugs to you all...Roxanne
I'm so glad you had a chance to be with Elizabeth today so you could both talk and be together and reassure each other. I know how much you love each other and we love you too. I wish there was something I could do or say, but just know we love you and will keep praying, Deanna. We're with you all. Love, Lynnette
Deanna,
You are precious in His sight! Love, Gini
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