Tomato Plant and Phone Numbers

It is Friday and God gave me a vision this morning to describe this week. I could draw it better than write it, but I will try. I am this grown tomato plant with all kinds of tomatoes. Some ripe, some green, and some blooms waiting for the right time to become a tomato. The only way I can stand up and bear all the weight of the tomatoes is because there is a strong stick that is holding me up with lots of anchors.

Again, I am the plant and God is my strong stick (tower). However, the only reason it is supporting me is because I am anchored to it. The top band is the thickest and the strongest and this is Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. The other bands that support the tomato plant represent friends, family, AF, Church, etc. The tomatoes represent the burdens/decisions right now. The biggest one is cancer and Mike. The next one is Elizabeth. There is one that represents the AF. One that represents finances, retirement, house, health, worries, fears, etc. Some are small and some I don't even know about yet. But every time one becomes to heavy to bear, God provides another anchor to support that branch.

So now I will try to explain this vision in our week. I have been through ALL kinds of emotions this week. Here is what I see going on with Mike. He is starting to lose weight again and it scares me. It makes sense. He is not really eating anything. I also see his stomach and it looks like it is getting bigger and that scares me. It could be the cancer or it could be gas or it could be that he is not eating. Mike is experiencing so much pain at night. The gas is building up and nothing seems to help. I have spent a couple of nights in a row up with him; sometimes in the room or sometimes in the living room just praying that God will help. Of course this has led to total exhaustion and then that led to emotional instability. I completely trust that God loves Mike more than I do, but it is so hard to sit by and watch and be helpless.

To balance that out, we have had some really good moments this week. We have been to this great bay side park off the Siesta Key Bridge. You can pull right up to a bench and Mike can look out over the bay into downtown Sarasota. It is pretty and it is the first time Mike has been out really since we have been here.

I got really mad at the cancer on Wednesday. I had made up my mind that I was just going to kick Mike's butt into eating and getting nutrients. He can just drink it, throw it up and drink it again. Sounded better than the actual situation.

Mike had a PICC line put in on Thursday. This is one of those tomatoes that ripen very quickly. The AF really bent over backwards to get this done for us down here. God gave us at so many supports on that one - Kay, Col Fowler, Col Weigand, Maj Sharon, Tina, Dr. Cousineau, even Dr. Monhollon. The PICC line became important because it was getting harder and harder to get veins on Mike. A side benefit about the PICC line is I can now hook up Mike to the IV here. So tomorrow we are still doing all our Therapies, but we don't have to drive anywhere. The wellness center also gave us an LBG machine for the weekend.

Col Weigand flew down here for the day on Thursday to be with us. I felt bad for him because I was an emotional wreck and more tired than I have been since Elizabeth was 6 weeks old. Tired for me equals tears plain and simple. In fact, Roxanne, Scott, and Dena have talked me off the ledge this week. But here is the other absolute amazing support that God provided. Col Weigand happens to go to the same church, Cinco Baptist, that we do. He called Abe that is in his Sunday School class on Tuesday to see if he would fly him down here. If he flew commercial, it is an 8 hours flight. If he drove it was a 7 hour drive one way. He only had one day. Abe called him back and said, "Absolutely". He cancel all his appointments for the day and did it. Not only that, he prayed over us. He loved Elizabeth. He brought us lunch while we were waiting at the hospital for Mike (PICC Line). He didn't even know us. His wife passed away in 2000 from cancer and he understood. When I was explaining our protocol, he knew what we were doing and why. It is always such a relief when people actually understand the science behind what we are doing.

Col Weigand came down and helped to ripen a tomato and at the same time support that branch. One of those tomatoes has always been the AF and what is going to happen. The AF has been great in supporting us down here but yet we knew the time would come when that tomato would ripen. Col Weigand really explained things to us and we are in the process of making some decisions. Sometimes you have to pick that fruit to lighten the load. I think MY biggest fear is the fear of leaving the AF in this new town we have moved to and not having the support system we need. The fear was actually bigger because I wouldn't say it or write it down. However, once I saw it in writing it really helped. I realize that I am putting God in a box. He will provide just as He is doing right now.

Col Fowler is an amazing support. He is that go to person for us when a tomato ripens too quick. He is the emergency support who moves mountains. I have a confession too. When he first sent the email that he was our go to man, I got upset. I thought I had just been assigned a person to handle Mike's affairs. I don't know the official AF term for it, but the person they assign when someone passes away. Col Fowler doesn't even know this, so if he is reading this blog, I am sorry. I was so wrong about that. SO WRONG. Please know those feelings were probably just out of fear and it was nothing that was said. Just me going off the deep end.

Aunt Mary has been a support this week. She came in Sunday and was supposed to leave on Thursday. Wednesday night was so bad that I couldn't bear to see her leave. I was so tired and I just needed someone to help. She cleaned the bathrooms, the condo and last night I handed her my phone and said, "I have to go to bed. Elizabeth needs to be in bed at 8:15 and I am done." She went to the grocery store. OH and she took Elizabeth to Discovery Cove, Seaworld and Downtown Disney. Elizabeth had the time of her life and it allowed Mike and I some time together.

Florida Integrative Medicine is a huge support. I know I have talked about them so much, but they really love Mike and work so hard for him. I went in today and told them (in tears) about how Mike threw up all night. It got so bad he couldn't even crawl to the toilet anymore. He just put the trash can on the bed. He was very dehydrated. They took care of all our needs. I left Mike and came back and he looked better. They gave him an extra bag of saline today on top of the Vitamin C. They are also going to start doing this Ultraviolet treatment to his blood on Monday. I will type more about that next week.

The Maxwells.... words can not express the support they have been. It is one of those rare friendships that was truly God ordained from the start. We met at Hurlburt Chapel and then we move one street over from them. They have taken over the care of our house completely. I have called so many times with "I need this and it has been done. Period." I want to wrap them up and keep them with me forever. This week I called her and ask her to check on Mike's car for Dena. She is flying in on Monday with Doug. Doug has some AF thing at Eglin and Dena is going to drive Mike's car down here for a few days. I was worried because the car hasn't been driven since August. But they are taking care of it.

I could and should go on more about the tomatoes, but I am hoping you understand. I truly could not stand under the weight of this without God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Period. But when the load is too much to bear, He has taken it a step further and added all of you as supports. Thank you.

I have some things I really want to tell everyone..

1. My Blackberry fried today. A "Fatal Software glitch" they said. Verizon replaced it at no cost, but I have NO ONE's phone number any more. Please email me or call me so I can start building it back. EVERYONE has to do this... deanna.phillips@cox.net

2. ABILENE friends.... OK. Get this. We are in the IV clinic and this older gentleman was talking about how his son asked him to teach a class for him next semester in Abilene. So my ears perked up and I said how much we loved Abilene. He said he was going to teach at Hardin Simmons. I said we know a lot of people at Hardin Simmons. So this gentleman turns out to the the former Dean of the Business School (Coleman!) Jimmy Monhollon. I looked at him funny and he said that his son is Dr. Monhollon - the one that has been SO nice to us at Florida Integrative Medicine. He actually owns it, but is the one that has been coming in on Sundays after church to do the IV for us. Mr. Monhollon also went to First Baptist Church while we were there. We talked about China Star and Joe Allens and just what a great place Abilene is to live because of the people.

3. It think we are really in the trenches right now. This has been such a hard week. I really know that people have gone on with life, but if you are still reading and can send a email/card of support this week, it would mean the world right now. We are still striving to go home next weekend, but if we have a week like this week, I am not sure if we can.

4. PRAYERS... Please cover us in prayer. I feel like that I don't know what to pray anymore. Kathleen sent me an email that God used to answer my despair. Just pray Jesus. I have done that so much this week. Specific prayer needs are still the same: sleep, rest, eat, and drink. Also, that the gas pain will go away and that God will continue to reduce this tumor. The MRI said that tumor was near Mike's aorta in his stomach. The UCLA doctor said she would need to know how close it was, if it was involved in the tissue before she would even consider it. Pray specifically that God will shrink back the tumor by his aorta.

We love you and I will be better this weekend and next week with the blog. Melissa and Pierre are on there way here to help us this weekend. I need their eyes, their wisdom, and their experience so much right now.

God Bless you and don't forget about your phone numbers! Roxanne... you too!