It is the start on another week here in Sarasota and I have to admit, I am a little weak today. I so wish there was an end in sight. I am to the point that I want to go home. BUT I want to go home with Mike and I want everything to be back the way it was. I think I am in a pouty, 3 year old mood today. I almost don't know how to put it in words. It is probably because we are getting near the six week mark.
I have to be honest... no since in holding back now.... I thought it would be rough for a month or so, but then Mike would be back to a somewhat "normal" state. Weaker yes, but that is it. This journey is so scary and when I don't pull my strength from God, I completely fail. Today is another day to remind me how weak I am and there is only one place, one God, who can conquer this.
Today, Aunt Mary and Elizabeth headed to Orlando until Wednesday. They stopped at Downtown Disney and Elizabeth made a huge list for Christmas. She also did some Christmas shopping for a few of our nieces and nephews. The ate at Wolfgang Pucks and went to Goofy's Candy Factory. They checked into the hotel and had the joy of evacuating the hotel tonight due to smoke in the kitchen. Elizabeth called to tell me because she thought I would need to know. I heard a little nervousness in her voice. She grabbed her beloved Polar Bear and a swimsuit to evacuate. Polar Bear because it is Polar Bear and her swimsuit because she is going to Discovery Cove tomorrow whether or not the hotel burns down!
Mike spent most of the day in Oxygen Therapy. Oxygen Therapy is a way to infuse the healthy cells with Oxygen and keep the healthy ones healthy. He did a colonic tonight along with his Haelen Therapy. He is now doing his nightly protocol and we will be in bed soon.
Bill showed up today with a box of Novait from Japan. It is a thirty day supply of freeze dried duck cells with infused vitamins, chelated minerals and vital nutrients. This is supposed to bring his energy back and that would be a blessing. I also spent most of the day researching Doctors to mail his MRI results to. We are looking for opinions to see if surgery is possible. I am not keen on the surgery because it is extremely difficult. They remove part of the stomach and esphogus. Then they take the stomach and stretch in out into a esphogus. I have read just a few blogs and it is no picnic. It takes well over a year to really get back to a somewhat "normal" state. But, Bill wants to see if it is a viable option yet. We sent one package to UCLA and one will be going out to UC San Fransico tomorrow (thanks Col Fowler!). I will update you when we know something.
In the morning, I get up and prepare Mike "breakfast" and I get some toast and sit in bed with him and try to read something in the bible. For the past few days, I have spent time in Daniel. I love the book of Daniel. Today, we read about the writing on the wall - Mene, Mene, Tekel, Parsin. (Daniel 5:25) We were struck by Tekel - it means that you have been weighed on the scales and found wanting. I am not a Theologian by any means, but just think about those words. Think about God telling you, " you have been weighed and founds wanting." I much prefer God saying, " Well done my good and faithful servant."
I think about those two biblical phrases and the difference that stands out to me is Faithful. The darkest times for me right now is when I want... I want to go home. I want Mike to be back to normal. I want this fear to stop. I want the tumor to disappear. I am wanting so much and it brings despair. But when we have had faith... Faith in God's plan, Faith in the small steps, Faith that God will meet our needs right now.... we have had peace, smiles, and a sense of calm. So as I wrap this up tonight, I am done wanting. I am going to cling to my faith in Christ Jesus. It is the only thing that is the absolute cure!
Pray needs:
Faith for me
Safety, Joy, and fun for Elizabeth and Mary in Orlando
Pray for Mike that he will drink more water/fluids
That Mike will gain energy and eat more
Pray that God will continue to move Mountains to show His Glory and for His purpose!
4 comments:
I've been gone since last Thursday and have looked forward to coming home to find out what is happening and how you all are.
I am glad for every bit of good news. I am thankful for what God has done, is doing, and is going to do. I know He is not finished. I know there is much about "the fullness of time" that I do not understand, but I trust Him with you...with Mike.
My dearest friend, don't forget that this is a journey and it is NORMAL for some sections of the path to be rocky and hard, and one has to be a pouty three year old before one can be a mature thirty year old. It's a normal progression, even in our spiritual lives. And right now, Rich Mullins is singing in my head, and this is what he's singing:
If I stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through.
And if I fall, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you...
I am still praying. For you and Elizabeth, for Mike, for your mother. Nothing is to hard for God.
-Lisa
Deanna, Don't be too hard on yourself. All of your wants are expected. (Now, if a Jaguar was mentioned...that's another story! :) For six weeks you have been a loving wife, mother, caregiver, nurse, etc. (And a "very" strong one at that!) God has carried you through this journey, and He doesn't intend to stop now. He knows your faith is real and deep and how much you trust Him. On days like yesterday, when you're tired and weary... may He hold you just a little closer. I know today you will feel His love and presence in a new way. I pray you and Mike can have a special time together...while Elizabeth is having a great time at Disney. You will be in our prayers all day...as you have been for six weeks. We will pray for the right doctor to look at these scans, for the (eggs?) to give Mike strength, that he can eat more, peace and comfort for you, and a wonderful and safe time for the Disney Gals. My our Lord shine upon you all today, in a powerful way!!
Love in Christ,
Roxanne
I haven't blogged in a while, but rest assured you all are in my prayers daily. I can only imagine what you're going though, Deanna, and days of weakness are expected, we are all so weak. Remember that poem about footprints in the sand, these are the days that Christ carries you, Deanna. It also reminds me of a recent devotional in Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost for His Highest" on October 8th. The verse, Matt. 11:28 "Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Jesus just wants us to come to Him. He knows we need Him, and He is all we need. Love & Prayers, Lynnette
Igor, Hope things are good this week...miss the daily words from your wife. You're continually in our prayers. I read a Church article today that had some uplifting words about spiritual healing. I hope you can find something good from it. "The Spiritual Component of Healing" http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=6938144e3813a110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
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