Alright. You have to deal with me blogging and not Mike today! I agree with everyone that it was great that Mike took the time to blog. Yesterday was a blessing from God. Mike had a good day, his labs were great, and we spent time as a family. It is funny when everything gets stripped away how joy really comes from the simple things.
I want to start out with our appeal. Mike is scheduled to get his Port and his stent tomorrow. We want to appeal to everyone to lift him up in prayers for these procedures. While they are relatively simple, Mike's health makes them a little more complicated. He will be put completely under. He can not lay back without severe pain. Also, we are struggling with his blood count. they will be giving him more blood today to increase that. However, something else that has complicated things is that his White Blood Cell count is going back up as well as his temperature. The last reading is 100.4. He has also begun spitting up the phlegm again this afternoon like he did on Saturday. Right now things are scheduled around 11:30 tomorrow. The port is going in first by Dr. Peterson. Dr. Peterson is an aviation buff and wanted to fly for the Navy. However, he had a detached retna and was turned down. His Grandfather actually owned land in Kansas that they sold to the US Govt' for a bombing range - Smoky something. As part of the deal, they can go into the tower on the range and watch the bombing runs. So he and Mike talked airplanes for awhile. That may sound weird, but I think they have bonded and that makes it easier to trust him. Mike is not just a patient. Dr. Pucha will be installing the stent right after the port. The stent is a special order piece and is very expensive. I praise God for the AF and insurance that can pay for this device.
I owe so many apologies to everyone. I had a breaking point last week when I got overwhelmed by cancer and I think it came across the blog as that I have lost my faith in Jesus. That is not the case and will never be the case no matter what fire we walk through. If Mike goes home to see Jesus, it will not be the case. I will still love Him. I will still worship Him. I will still walk with Him. It is just that I have begun to realize that up until this point, I haven't had to really put my faith in action. I haven't really had to walk through a fire. I have sung words about it in church. I have read about other's having trials, but I haven't actually had to put it in to practice really. In my life, when things have gotten tough in the past, I block it out; shut down/veg out; go on to other things; look forward to when it is over. That is how I deal with my prior stresses like deployments. I can't do that with this. I have to walk through it. I can't detach from it. I am being "refined and sifted" like no other time in my life. Honestly, when it gets really bad is when I want to just shut down and block everything out - including my time in the Word. So I am my own worst enemy. God is walking with me, but I need to learn how to walk with Him in a deeper way than I have EVER had to before. In the end, I don't want to walk through this and be the same person that I was anymore. I want to be stronger and have a deeper understanding of the Great I Am.
Finally, I want to apologize to everyone here in McKinney. I told my sister-in-law that I really need friends right now. People to come over and talk and just be with me. I miss talking about kids and life outside of cancer. Kathy told me people are wanting to but I had originally said that I needed space. I am sorry to everyone if I said that. The best part of Wendy and Dena and the Millers coming over was talking, laughing, and reminiscing. I want that more. So please come over, call, and pop in. The worst that will happen is that it won't be a good time, or I might tear up.
Have a blessed evening and please pray for:"
Rest for Mike, Elizabeth and I
The procedures tomorrow
The doctors, nurses and everyone surrounding Mike tomorrow
Comfort for Elizabeth
No complications
Joy and Peace
Our House in FL to sell
Mike to eat and drink more
For his White Blood Count to drop and his low grade fever to go away
Wisdom in medical decisions
7 comments:
Deanna,
Nobody ever doubts your faith; it is perfectly understandable to have some rough periods. You are putting down your feelings "on paper" electronic style and it does make you feel better instead of bottling it up. I know it does me! This is your sounding board and your family, friends and everyone are just here to lend support any way we can--we are here for you all!
We continue to pray for you all and hope there is some relief or good news to come soon. We all pray everything goes well tomorrow with the surgeries!
God bless you,
Cynthia
We're dealing just fine with you blogging tonight Deanna!! Everyone loves hearing from all 3 of you! My BS leaders' meeting ladies always ask about you all so know that MANY are praying for you...I was going to say "even strangers" but in Christ we're family, right? Have a GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP!! Have you ever tried hot milk with a little bit of vanilla and nutmeg to drink to help you sleep? It works for me! Gini
I suppose that having your faith refined by fire could look like you're losing it. But I never saw that in you. I saw someone being real about hard the faith walk can be. I saw someone who wasn't trying to paint a fluffy cloud/rainbow/flying pony picture when in fact the landscape looks like more like a stinky swamp. And Deanna, I really appreciate that. I really appreciate seeing how real people face real struggles with real unknown outcomes and real pain. Because that is real life, and few people finish the ride without experiencing that on some level. People who do it real, like you, give the rest of us permission to do the same, to try to live the upside down Christ life in this sideways world.
I'm proud of you. I'm proud of Mike. You have both come so far.
-Lisa
Praying the stent and port placement go smoothly. Love you! You're in the valley of the shadow (Ps. 23) and no one can ever really know what you're going through but the LORD. Keep fighting; may God give you everything you need to wrest those thoughts away from where they shouldn't be and place them on Jesus.
Fritzi
Okay Deanna, how I wish I could stop by for a chat and a "remember when" but I think the plane ticket might be cost prohibitive!;-).
That said, I've got my coffee here and I'm having a little cyber kaffee-klatsch with you and your wonderful friends here online!
I don't know Lisa (above blog), but man, I love her! How I'd like to join you two for a cuppa tea and a natter. Death to flying ponies! You are real and no one ever doubted your faith (and if they did, well, 100 whacks with a wet noodle!).
Hang on through the fire. Lame analogy following: Do you know how I make my s'mores? I put the marshmallow in the fire and set it aflame. I watch it burn like a torch, then I blow it out and peel off the outside burnt skin (delicious) then I eat the perfectly white soft inside. It's MUCH more tasty than the perfectly toasted golden brown ones that folks spend time toasting and turning and toasting and turning. Those marshmallows are never exposed directly to the flame -- they never burn. I thought of those marshmallows when I was reading your recent blogs. You are a torch to this world, a fascinating and glorious light to see! Your exposure to fire has made you even brighter! And inside, beyond the damage this world tries to do to you, you are white, pure, soft, warm and WONDERFULLY sweet. You bless with all that you are, and everyone who reads this is grateful and amazed by you and the honor you give your Lord! You hang in there, yummy you!
Lots of love,
Kathleen
You mentioned in your blog that reminiscing and laughing is helpful to you, so I thought I'd pass on a story from our Sparks days together. I'm pretty sure all three of you were in the room at the time, so hopefully you remember this! It is my favorite “Awana war story.” I think this happened in December 2005.
I was making announcements before the story, and I announced the theme of coming dressed as a Christmas present. One of the second graders asked if he could come dressed as Santa Claus.
Now, one of the things I tried to be careful about was not mixing imaginary characters in with the Bible story; one imaginary character that I took out of story time completely was Sparky, the firefly mascot of the Sparks. I also have a particular dislike of teaching that Santa is real for personal reasons: when my dad told me that there was no Santa Claus (actually my brother told me and my dad confirmed), I felt so hurt, not because I cared about Santa Claus, but because I felt so gullible. Someone I trusted to protect me had lied to me, then told me to “grow up because he’s not real”, and that was what had hurt. Anyway…
Without thinking about anything except what I just told you, I asked him not to dress as Santa, that Santa was not real like Jesus was real, and that I didn’t want them getting confused. All of the sudden from the other side of the room I heard a first-grade girl say, “Santa Claus is real!” I felt my face turn red as I thought, “Oh, nooooooooooo. What have I done? I’m going to get in trouble for this one!” So I kept going and changed the subject.
Sure enough, the commander called me the next day, not knowing it was me who had said that, but looking for the culprit. I fessed up, explained my reasoning, and offered to call and make any apologies necessary. But he didn’t ask me to. He handled it all himself. I think the commanders protected my identity, keeping it secret from the parents involved and from the church staff, which was kind of them. Once, while speaking with the person who was children’s minister at the time, I referred to this story, and the response was, “Oh, that was YOU!” Sometimes the Commander still calls me “Trouble,” and that story is his favorite to tell at training sessions about why we need to be very careful and very thoughtful about what we say as leaders at club!
Love you guys! I'm so glad I got to know you in my years as a Sparks leader with you.
Fritzi
Best wishes Mike, Deanna and Elizabeth from Tucson.
You are in our thoughts and prayers.
John (from Taekwondo)
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