Summer Starts fast and furios

You are supposed to slow down in the summer right?? Maybe soon.

I am "chewing" on what to post right now. I am completely frantic over Eric Schmidt. My heart of hearts wants to get on a plane and make things better. I am praying over him and for his wife. My stomach is just in knots knowing the path that is in front of them. I keep thinking, has anyone filed for Disability for him yet? Did you know you can still be on Active Duty and receive disability? My minds just rolls over and over everything we went through, but I would probably over-whelmed them with the details and all they need to worry about is fighting cancer and holding on to Jesus!

I had the joy of going to Youth Camp last weekend. I haven't laughed that much in a very long time. I didn't get enough sleep, but what a retreat! We went to Camp WOW in Oklahoma. It is a great camp with lakes, water extreme events, land extreme events, open sky, trees, and no cell phone reception. We woke up and worshiped. We went to seminars. We had extreme games, free time and then another time of worship. We ended the night with "Late Night" which was the funniest thing ever. They video taped everything and we got to see Gorilla's waking up 7th grade girls, a leaf blower waking up the 6th grade boys, wipes out on the tube behind the jet ski, and so much more. The greatest accomplishments were:
1. 30 kids accepted Christ!!!!!!!!
2. Elizabeth took a major step forward with Christ when she decided to be baptized again. God loves her so much, that He place her with another adult sponsor who lost her Dad to cancer when she was a teenager. Elizabeth spent a lot of time talking with her and she understood everything Elizabeth was saying. Elizabeth decided to go into the water as a symbol. She was stating, "I don't like that Daddy is gone, but I trust YOU, Lord." I cried and cried at the edge of the lake. I am so proud of her and will never forget that moment.
3. In the middle of my prayers on Sunday night, I told God that I was excited for the tomorrow. The day was great and filled with laughter and special time with a few campers. I was so excited to see what the next day held. I stopped praying and cried in my corner of the cabin. When was the last time I was excited about tomorrow? I always pray for "strength for tomorrow" or "one more day" or "that I get up tomorrow" but it has been a long time since I was excited for tomorrow. I am tearing up typing this, because it was a priceless gift.

So as you can tell, I will never forget those 4 days. I am so grateful that I have a Savior who is still intimately involved in this new life that I am living now. I miss Mike every day... almost every moment. But when I look around, I see how He is walking me through this place I don't want to be. Do you know what Elizabeth is doing? I once told Elizabeth how I missed Mike in the little things one day in the car. She asked what I meant by that. I told her that one thing Mike always did was take my change in the change holder and stack it by coin in order. He just did it. I told her I missed glancing down and see my change in order. The other day, I got in the car and my change was in order. She did it for me. What a sweet, sweet daughter Mike and I have.

Other than that, we are full swing into summer. Elizabeth is at Softball camp at University of North Texas over the next three days. We are looking forward to visitors and trips to Seattle, Myrtle Beach, and Germany. I had to push Tucson into the fall!

I am asking for prayer coverage over the weekend for Elizabeth and I. Father's Day is on Sunday and this is the one holiday that is going to be extremely difficult. We have bowed out of the family event, because Elizabeth was quick to point out that she will be the only one there without her Dad. Our wedding anniversary follows soon after. I need to celebrate that I had such an amazing marriage and husband, because I am grateful. I just want more. Actually, Elizabeth does too.

Prayer Needs:
Paperwork to wrap up.... Long story.
Eric and Buzz as they both fight an incredible battle with cancer
Elizabeth and I as we try to figure out what is next

Praise:
People that continue to watch over me
Camp
That God is bigger than any battle

Please read this post and pass it on to others

Dear friends -

I have so much to post. I have spent the past 4 days with incredible teenagers at our church Youth camp. God moved so strongly to include Elizabeth and I. However, I need to ask you to pray. A dear friend in Florida sent this link to Caring Bridge for Eric Schmidt. He is in the Air Force, a B-52 pilot, and been diagnosed with Stage four Stomach cancer. He is married, in his mid-thirties, and his beautiful wife is 20 weeks pregnant. I have read their short story, as it has only been a few weeks, but it sounds similar to Mike's story. Right now, he is stationed at Barksdale AFB, but has in the past been where we were in Florida. He is also in a lot of pain and having a procedure to help. They didn't say what it was, but based on where the pain it has to be the same procedure that didn't go well for Mike. I am asking you to pray boldly, for complete healing non this earth. A full on Red Sea Miracle.

By HIS stripes we are Healed! Lord, for your glory...

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/schmidt


Deanna

Time flies

I want to start out with first saying thank you to all who serve. You guys (and gals) are my hero's. You put yourself behind the needs of this country. There is no greater call!

Elizabeth and I had an opportunity to go to Longview, Texas this past weekend to celebrate a graduation of a dear friend. I was fun, but sad to see how quickly time flies. The graduate was the first "baby" in our lives. He was born to a very dear friend and we got to hold him, play with him, watch him grow up, and even sometimes take him on our own. He was fascinating to Mike and I. We were not ready for kids, but we had a blast playing with babies that we could give back!

Honestly, I was happy to leave McKinney for the weekend. I just remember what a great Memorial Day we had last year. Mike was strong, gaining weight, his cancer was in remission,... life was filled with more good days and moments than bad. I remember Mike even carried folding chairs to the Memorial Day event at Pecan Grove Cemetery. (It is a historic cemetery that hosts the event every year). I was amazed. We also had a great craw fish boil with my cousins and laughed a lot. Now a short year later, Mike is buried there.

Elizabeth is finishing school this week. I am amazed at how far she has come this school year. She plays the oboe beautifully (compared to last September for sure!), has grown at least 6 inches, is thriving academically, and is completely ready to for summer to start. I was telling her last night on the drive home, what a strong person she is. She has been through so much and yet is still walking forward. We then spent more time talking about Mike dying and how things have changed. She is working through emotions (we both are) and really doesn't like when someone says, "Eventually you will see something good come out of it". She gets really angry when she talks about that comment in particular because as she says, "How can any good come out of Dad dying?" I see her point. I see the other point as well, but I lean more towards Elizabeth's point of view right now.

Time is still ticking forward though and Elizabeth and I are trying to make plans for the summer. We hope to travel, see friends, and stay busy with a side of rest. We are both going to Youth Camp, (yes... I volunteered! ) and are about to start adding a patio on to the back of the house. At Elizabeth's request, we are adding a fire pit so she can make smores whenever she wants. I gave in because there is nothing better than a burnt marshmallow smores on a great summer evening!

Prayer needs:
Please just pray us through this valley of grief. We are doing well, but the ups and downs are hard.
For Buzz and his cancer treatment

Praises:
Angela's birthday at Blue Fish
Men and Women of Armed Services
My precious daughter
Good Memories
Friends and Family
My first "honey do list" visit - thanks Doug for everything.

Sunday Afternoon

On the way home from church, Elizabeth commented that today would be a day she would sit with Daddy and play Wii. I asked her if she wanted to go to see Daddy and she said yes. This was her first visit back since the funeral and my first time to see the headstone. She wanted to decorate as well so we went to Big Lots (Mike's Favorite store) and then spent some time at the cemetery. It was a hard day for both of us that lead to a late night. I wish I could wake up and this all be a dream sometimes...

You can tell it is the end of the school year. Things are getting busier and busier here. I have been meeting with a financial planner and now we are adding in a lawyer to get everything together. I feel way more weight to make sure all i's are dotted so that if something happens to me, everything will be in a nice package and as simple as possible for Elizabeth. As far as the estate (for lack of a better word) goes, I feel like I have everything in a box. I still need to wrap it and put a bow on it, but everything is at least in one area. I have been dwelling a lot on everything and putting some things off. What is it going to be like when everything is done? Really, we have been juggling things for almost 2 years now and part of me doesn't want things to end because that means I really have to face, "Now what?". I am dealing with that in a way, but the paperwork, thank you's, house details, lawyers, etc.... distract from the ultimate, "now what?".

Yet, I know the NOW WHAT is already answered in God's time. That whole faith concept. God has been so faithful this whole journey (yes even though Mike is in Heaven) and I know he hasn't said, "OK, now you are on your own". He doesn't' work that way. Even though Mike, Elizabeth and I walked Mike's cancer journey together, He has a plan for each of us. Mike's was to fight, witness, and go home to Jesus. Mine? I think we are still in the middle of the book. Same with Elizabeth. Days are still up and down.. Nights the same. It is funny some of the things you do or things that stress you out. I noticed today that I killed this beautiful orchid that we got for Mike's service. It is amazing to me the need I have to keep these plants alive. I don't know if I like it or not. Probably should talk about that at my next therapy session :).

I am amazed at how God is still using Mike here on this earth. Today, I had the joy of giving $15,000 worth of Neupogen to a doctor going to Africa on a Medical Mission Trip. He was talking about how he hopes to let me know who gets the shot and how it impacts them. I told him that I have no doubt that God has a plan. I have tried to give the shots away multiple times and every door has been closed. This is the most complicated door and it is open. They have to pack it special with a thermometer and ice at all stops to ensure that it stays the right temperature. You can not even imagine the time, thought, and process it is taking to get these 15 shots over there. I KNOW God has a special plan for those two boxes. AND I don't need to know the whole story. God knows it and I am overjoyed at that.

That is all I need. So if I don't need to know the whole story for these boxes, then I guess I have to say the same for my "now what?". I know God has a special plan for me, I need to take a deep breath, be at peace and watch it unfold (prayerfully!).

Prayer needs:
Please continue to pray for Elizabeth and I. We have good days and tearful days. It is really hard sometimes.
Social Security Administration - that our appeal will go through
HAP - that our appeal will go through
Health - this virus that I picked up in Abilene is hanging on!

Praise:
Talking to Marie
Things are manageable
Softball season
One more day!

The Rest of the Story

The cool thing about this blog is that you can look back at decisions you made and see where you are today. Remember last Spring when Elizabeth was trying to chose her elective? Mike and I were debating between drama and band and many of you chimed with your thoughts. Elizabeth wanted band and she got the instrument she wanted - the OBOE. Well, it has been a year and she has done a great job. She loves it and has a goal to make Symphony I next year as a 7th grader. She still has her Solo Competition on May 25th, but I thought I would share my first ever FLIP Video with you. It is 5 minutes and two songs.

The Blessing in the Lives you travel

Elizabeth sitting in the Pecan Tree that used to be in our backyard before they tore down the house and built new housing. The new houses now have TWO car GARAGES! LUCKY! I guess only special people know the joy of carports :)
Elizabeth's adorable face up close with the BIFF mug and BIFF Patch.

We met the face behind the "Biff Callsign"! Biff and Biff together in one picture!

What an amazing weekend Elizabeth and I had in Abilene. I want to first say a HUGE thank you and a job WELL done to everyone at Dyess AFB. The 25th Anniversary of the B-1 event was incredible. Everything from start to finish was first rate and blessed us beyond words. Actually, this is what Elizabeth told me Saturday night in the hotel in Abilene. She said for the first time she wasn't as sad and felt safe. She asked me if we could just stay at Dyess. She said she felt her Dad so strongly and just wanted to stay. They seem like simple words typed, but as many times as I have held her late at night as she as cried and told me how much she hurts....well, to have her tell me she was having fun and felt somewhat normal and happy made me cry!!

We had the ability to meet so many incredible people from our past. Did I mention that Dena sent Doug down from Omaha to escort Elizabeth and I all weekend? So I had help driving and a "strong tower" when I was weak. I knew we needed to go, but driving on base and going into the 28th BS was full of emotion for me. Plus Doug knew everyone and that helps in a sea of flight suits.

We checked in and that took about 10 hours!! I have never spent as much time in my life socializing as I did over the weekend. It was like a high school reunion only for the past 17 years of my married life. Every time you would turn a corner, you would run into someone. As soon as you finished one conversation, you would see someone else. I loved it! I loved it too because while we talked about Mike and journey we have been on, we also talked memories and it was so empowering and healing. Maybe the whole event, God just planned for Elizabeth and I :).

The first event we went to (after lunch at China Star!) was the Memorial Service. It was to honor our B-1 hero's that have died in 4 plane crashes over the years. I did OK until they got to roll call. They read each guys name and then from a line of guys in the back, someone called "absent". 12 guys, 12 echoing absents and then taps... tears just rolled, not only from me. Then, as they were wrapping up the ceremony, they said something like, " and to all our fellow B-1 airman that have past on, to include most recently Lt Col Mike "Igor" Phillips." After the end of the ceremony, members of the 7th BW presented Elizabeth and I with a memorial brick that will be placed at the Abilene Star at the front gate.

We finally got to the hotel with just enough time to shower and change for the formal event/dinner at the Abilene Civic Center. I relished every moment because I know that most likely it will be my last formal AF event. Elizabeth got to stay with Myagi's kids. I guess she practiced some of her black belt moves on one of the boys. She failed to mention it to me and Pat was harassing her about it the next day. She smiled and said she really had fun. I was mortified, but loved how quickly she was back in the fold. So Doug and I headed down to the Convention Center. We made it in the door, but then got caught in the talking game routine and didn't make it past the foyer. Doug said he was going in and I said it was OK, I would find him when I was done. What a mistake that was! I walked into the ballroom and I was taken aback. I had no idea how many people there would be! We did finally meet up and got seats in the back of the ballroom. We had the opportunity to sit with the Boldenows and this great crew from the B-1 Model Project. They are building a 1/8 scale remote control B-1. It was on display and it is fantastic. They have spent 10 years on it so far. We had great conversation. The evening ended and we picked up Elizabeth at 11:30 pm from Myagi's.

Friday morning, we were at the squadron by 9:00 am so Elizabeth could fly the B-1 simulator. She did really well and was a little too comfortable in the pilot seat. Our instructors were great and patient and Mike is so proud in heaven. I know it. Elizabeth is now wanting to take flight lessons to learn to fly. She wants me to take her to Beetle in Tucson! I think she likes the planes that go fast. We then got our new Military ID's and headed off to the Weapons School. We got an incredible brief on the future of the B-1 and walked down memory lane looking at all the past Weapon School graduate pictures. Lt Col Jeff Aldridge escorted us all around. We also ran into "BIFF". Elizabeth's nickname in our family is Biff. We saw a patch and mug at the schoolhouse bar with the call sign of Biff. I took her picture by it. At the Weapon's School we ran into BIFF. I explained the whole nickname thing and asked if I could take their picture together (a dorky thing a mom would do so she could scrapbook it). He agreed and took out his patch. Then he did something that I will never forget. He GAVE her the patch. Again, a simple kindness that ministered to Elizabeth and I in a very BIG way.

We spent the rest of Friday at a Wine and Cheese social where Elizabeth showed the fruit of her spirit by helping one mom with her precious son Alex. We went over to the pre-air show party in the park and then headed back to the hotel. Elizabeth and Doug then went out geocaching in the dark and I watched a movie and talked on the phone.

Saturday? I had to sleep late. I was exhausted. We then went out to the Air Show. I knew it would be a good day when the first static planes we ran into were A-10's from Davis- Monthan AFB (one Lobo and one Bulldog). I believe that was God again reminding me of his intimate care for me. We walked around and made our way to the Anniversary tent which was front row center for the Air Show. We ate barbecue and I once again had the joy of meeting another fascinating person. Chasity and Mike. We were eating at the table and started talking. Mike has been in the AF for almost 20 years and been with the Thunderbirds, B-2, and B-1. Just being apart of one of those communities is special, but all three? Wow. Then he shared that he was one of the first on scene at the Oklahoma City Bombings helping there. Then he shared he survived Katrina at Kessler AFB and helped out there. FASCINATING life story. He has two humanitarian medals. Throw in 9/11 and he has an Historical story that should be preserved if you ask me. After their incredible testimony (and he is a believer too), we watched the Thunderbirds and headed back to the hotel. We rested for about an hour then met people at Cypress Station for dinner. It was another late night.

Sunday we woke up, checked out, bought AM donuts and headed to FBC Abilene for church. We dropped off Elizabeth at youth and told her she spent years with some of the girls that she doesn't remember, and then headed to Sunday School with food. We then went to church and headed home. By this time, the pace of the weekend and maybe the past weeks had caught up with me, because I was sick. It is viral, but I am down for the count with blisters on my throat, cough, and just exhausted.

The best part of the weekend was that I got to say thank you to people. I was able to tell people that the changed me. They influenced me. I watched how you treat your daughters and learned how I wanted to treat mine. I got to tell Dr Christopher at FBC Abiliene that what was started there in that baptismal was now complete with Mike in heaven. We were baby Christians and they watered us and made us strong enough to move on to be fertilized by other Church's and people. I was able to give small gestures of gratitude's to the guys that helped. I was able to give a hug and say your cards were always perfect. Over and over and over again, I tried to the best of my ability to let people know how much they meant to me, Elizabeth and Mike. One thing the past 18 months has taught me is to leave it all on the table. Don't assume tomorrow. Let people know the blessing they bring to you.

Over and over again, in big and small ways, the men, women, and families of the Air Force and Abilene ministered to us and loved on us all weekend. For the past 3 weeks, our memory verse at church is from the Message Psalm 84:5. It is:

And how blessed are those in whom you live, whose lives become roads you travel.

I can not think of a better verse to speak over the weekend. I am blessed. Elizabeth is blessed. Mike is blessed. God had an incredible journey for us and he used the Air Force as the road. I have travel roads that I never dreamed of. I have met incredible people who are hero's, true hero's in every sense of the word. I have friends that drop everything to help in every way. I have been blessed to be apart of births, deaths, marriages, holidays, parties, baptisms, retirements, promotions, conversations and rebirths. Life is hard right now. It is. But I love God's tender mercy, love, and grace with Elizabeth and I right now. He knows just how to strengthen me and this time he used Abilene and Dyess AFB to let me be wrapped in His care.

Well, this is a very long posting. Probably my longest. I hope that makes up for the silence. I do have to say that somehow I feel a shift in my life after this weekend. I, like Elizabeth, feel stronger. I pray it is not temporary. But somehow, I don't think it is. A perfect example, I came home to a letter from a collection agency for a medical bill that was billed in Elizabeth's name for Mike's treatment. AND it has already been paid under Mike's name. Did I cry? No. Did I break down with the 2+ hours of phone calls, letters, and faxes? No. Something has changed. Thank you Jesus.

Prayer needs:

Healing for me....I hate being sick.

Sleep

Direction from Jesus about what is next? What does he have for me?

Elizabeth- she is up and down and needs prayer

Praise:

See above!!!